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The Qirl from 
X. Missouri J^ 



M tl^obett St. Claix 

T, S, Denison & Company 

Publishers 
CHICAGO MINNEAPOLIS 

'Price so Cent^ 



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Monsgra^k 



THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 



TO THE PRODUCER 

This book is offered for sale at the price quoted only 
on the understanding that, if any additional copies of 
the whole or any part are necessary for its production, 
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of all purchasers is directed to the following: 

This work is fully protected under the laws of the 
United States of America, in the British Empire, includ- 
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included in the Copyright Union. 

Violations of the Copyright Law are punishable by 
fine or imprisonment, or both. 

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ment of the copyright and will be vigorously prosecuted. 



The names of all characters that are used in this play 
are fictitious. Use of a name which is the same as that 
of any living person is accidental. 



ipp -R <Q c 



THE GIRL FROM 
MISSOURI 

A COMEDY DRAMA 
IN THREE ACTS 

By 

ROBERT ST. CLAIR 



^0/ 



CHICAGO AND MINNEAPOLIS 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

PUBLISHERS 



Warning . . . Important 



THIS PLAY is fully protected under the Copyright Laws of 
the United States of America, the British Empire, including 
the Dominion of Canada, and all other countries included in 
the Copyright Union. 

The purchase or possession of this book conveys no right 
whatever to give any performance of the Play either public 
or private, for gain or for charity. 

For AMATEUR presentation, whether admission is charged 
or not, a production fee of $10.00 for each and every per- 
formance is required. The fee for each performance must be 
paid in advance to the publishers, T. S. DENISON & COM- 
pany, 635 E. 22nd Street, Minneapolis, Minnesota, whose re- 
ceipt for such a fee serves as a license for such performance. 
The following notice must appear on all programs: ''Produced 
by special arrangement with T. S. Denison & Company of 
Minneapolis, Minnesota. 

Violations of the Copyright Law are punishable by fine or 
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the publishers. 



COPYRIGHT, 1945, BY T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 
MADE IN U. S A. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED 

The Girl from Missouri 

4 

©ClDpu]3.9^223 






CAST OF CHARACTERS 

(Five Men, Seven Women) 

The Endicott Family Consists of: 

Franklin the father, about forty-five 

Enid his wife, the same age 

Royal their spoiled daughter, twenty 

Barry the son, eighteen 

The Elliot Family Are: 

Martha Enid's country sister, fifty 

Edithe her attractive daughter, nineteen 

Jim the son, eighteen 

Others Involved Are: 

Nancy Moorehead a wealthy friend, forty-five 

Hazel Nancy's daughter, eighteen 

King Rov^land Royal's "catch," twenty-one 

Jasper the Endicott's Negro butler, thirty 

Susie the Endicott's maid, twenty 



SCZNE PjLOT 



SKYdfiCKINO fc= 



PORCH RAlUNCi 







TheGjislfrom Missoui^i 



Note: Where size of stage prohibits the proper depth for 
the stairway, this may be eliminated entirely, as may also the 
door to the outside. In this event, \h^ arch is merely "backed" 
with an interior backing and the characters enter and exit an 
"imaginary" door so they can pass the French windows. 

SYNOPSIS OF SCENES 

The entire action takes place in the attractive living room 
of the Endicott's summer residence on the beach of a fashion- 
able lake resort. The time is the present. 

ACT ONE: 

Morning. 

ACT TWO: 

The following afternoon. 

ACT THREE: 

A few days later. Late afternoon and evening. 

All Characters and Situations Are Entirely Fictitious 



THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 

ACT ONE 

Locality: A smart summer resort an the banks of a large 
lake. 

Time: A summer morning. 

Scene: A sumptuous living room in a wealthy summer home, 
the walls of which are bright; the hangings gay and color- 
ful. French windows at Right Center back open onto a 
porch, behind the railing of which an expanse of summer 
sky may be glimpsed, A nice atmospheric note will be the 
use of gayly striped awning material behind the windows, 
and flowering vines will look attractive crawling around the 
posts of the porch railing. A large open archway at Left 
Center back opens into the reception hall, where a door 
leads onto the porch and a stairway leads off upstage Left 
to the second story of the house. Sufficient room must be 
left in front of the steps for characters to enter and exit 
offstage Left below the stairs when supposedly going to 
other parts of the downstairs. There is a door upstage on 
the Right, that opens into the master bedroom. Another 
arch in the middle of the Left wall leads to the dining 
room, kitchen and the servants' quarters. Both arches have 
curtains to match those hanging at the sides of the windows. 

Furniture and Properties: A large carpet covers the floor. 
Several colorful throw rugs are scattered here and there. 
The stairs are carpeted and so is the floor of the "hall."' 
A number of nicely framed pictures of lake and forest re- 
gions adorn the walls. There are two comfortable-looking 
couches — one down Right, with the back to the wall, and 
the other placed on an oblique. Left Center. Gay sofa cush- 



8 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT I 

ions make the couches look inviting. In front of each couch 
is a low coffee table with bowls of flowers, smoking equip- 
ment and late magazines and newspapers. There is a floor 
lamp at the left end of the couch. Left Center, and another 
on the upstage end of the other couch. Still a third floor 
lamp stands slightly behind the left side of the armchair. 
Center. The armchair faces the audience, and in front of it 
is a footstool, A small ornate telephone table stands in the 
upper Right corner of the room. On this is a telephone, a 
small vase of flowers, and an attractive desk lamp. The 
wall space between the French windows and large archway 
is taken up with a handsome cabinet or well-stocked book- 
case, A radio stands upstage on the Left, On top of this 
is a fancy clock, the hands of which point to the hour of 
ten o^clock, and another bowl, or vase, of flowers. Every- 
thing about the room must suggest comfort and affluence. 
Where possible, the furniture should be handsome wicker 
ivork, upholstered in gay cretonne or chintz. 

Lighting: The color of the globes in the footlights and bor- 
ders is a combination of red, white and blue, with the red 
and white predominating to give the effect of diffused sun- 
light, A strong, straw-colored bunch light, or olivette, be- 
hind the windows gives the illusion of warm sunshine out- 
side. The electrical fixtures on the stage are all practical, 
but are not lighted as the play begins. 

At the Rise of the Curtain: Enid Endicott sits in the 
armchair, facing the audience and looking thoroughly mis- 
erable as her husband, Franklin Endicott, walks up and 
down the stage, Right Center, raging at her for something 
she has done that he considers unpardonable, Enid is a 
handsome, aristocratic-looking woman of forty-four or 
thereabouts, who wears a smart and exclusive model sports 
dress. Her graying hair is done up in the latest manner 
and her jewelry consists of small diamond earrings, a dia- 
mond-studded wristwatch, an expensive wedding ring and 
a large solitare. Naturally, for stage purposes, these do not 
have to be genuine. Good imitations will give the desired 



ACT I THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 9 

effect. In one hand she holds a crumpled telegram. In the 
other, a dainty handkerchiej, ivith which she occasionally 
dabs at her eyes, Franklin is a ruddy-faced, distinguished- 
looking man of forty-five or so, tvith a dominating person- 
ality and a terrific ego. He is a snobbish individual whose 
superior air is sometimes disagreeable even to his friends. 
He is not too scrupulous in business, but genuinely fond of 
his own family. What Franklin needs is a good lesson in 
humility and a realization of what constitutes the really 
worthwhile things of life. His wavy hair and neatly 
trimmed mustache are iron gray, and, for the purposes of 
age, he may wear modern glasses. He is dressed in a white 
suit, white sport shoes, dark blue shirt and socks with a 
breast-pocket handkerchief to match, and a white tie. The 
play begins in the middle of his argument ivith his wife. 
He is speaking as the curtain rises. 

Franklin (Starts this line as the curtain starts to go up, 
and while walking up and down the stage,) In all our twenty- 
two years of married life, I don't think I've ever been so 
angry with you, Enid. Why did you ever do such a thing — 
and without my knowledge, too? You must have been out 
of your head! 

Enid (Sniffs tearfully,) I was afraid to tell you, Franklin, 
for fear you wouldn't approve. (Dabs at her eyes with her 
handkerchief.) 

Franklin (Pauses downstage, on a line with the armchair. 
Practically shouts,) You knew very well I'd disapprove! The 
idea of deliberately inviting that girl here for the whole sum- 
mer . . . ! 

Enid (Interrupting.) She's my only sister's child, Frank- 
lin. My own niece . . . 

Franklin (Interrupting. Loudly,) How many times have 
I told you not to even mention that family in this house? 

Enid (Continues, as though he hadn't interrupted her.) And 
I didn't invite her. Her mother wrote me, asking if she 
couldn't come. 

Franklin (Angrily.) Well, you didn't have to answer the 
letter, did you? Let me see that wire! (Steps closer to her. 
Grabs the telegram out of her hand and scowls at it.) 



10 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT I 

Enid (Meekly apologetic) I wasn't going to at first. I 
know you don't like to have me correspond with Martha. 
But her letter was so pathetic, Franklin, and this is the first 
time since Grandma died that she's asked a favor of me. She 
has so little, and we have so much. (Sighs,) 

Franklin (Reading the telegram aloud.) "Edithe is thrilled 
to accept your invitation ..." She would be! 

Enid (Interrupting. Leans toward him.) To tell you the 
truth, Franklin, my conscience has been bothering me. When 
I think of the way they live on that shabby little farm, and 
us with our houses in town, at the beach, and all this lake 
property . . . 

Franklin (Sharply.) Be quiet! (Reads the rest of the 
telegram.) "She has already started and will arrive almost as 
soon as this wire ..." (Frowns.) 

Enid (Continues.) They could have had half of everything, 
you know . . . 

Franklin (Sharply.) Enid! 

Enid (Quickly. Anxious to pacify him.) If Martha's hus- 
band had been as smart as you were. 

Franklin (With a grim smile. Looks into space.) I was 
pretty smart, wasn't I? 

Enid. Yes, dear. We have you to thank for everything. 
(Watches him anxiously, while taking the telegram out of his 
hand. Continues talking.) You were the one who saw the 
possibilities of turning the lake into a resort . . . 

Franklin (Looking straight front. Extremely pleased with 
his cleverness.) There wasn't a house within miles when you 
came into possession of the property. Now there are over 
five hundred summer residences. (Looks at her.) We've kept 
it exclusive, too. 

Enid (Nods and smiles.) Only the best families. You've 
made a lot of money, dear. The children and I are very 
proud of you. (Rises and moves toward the couch down Left.) 

Franklin (Boastfully.) Well, you ought to be. If it hadn't 
been for me you would have taken half your sister's rotten 
little farm and given her half the lake. Then where would we 
have been? 



ACT I THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 11 

Enid (Pauses near the couch. With a little sigh.) We 
wouldn't have been quite so well off, of course. But, on the 
other hand, Martha and her children wouldn't have been 
quite so poor. Sometimes I think . . . 

Franklin (Irritably.) Oh, forget it, will you? She didn't 
have to relinquish her half of the inlicritance, did she? The 
farm was a place to live and she and that lazy husband of 
her's were glad to get it. The lake was nothing but a wilder- 
ness. I was the one who developed it, and went into debt to 
do so. Is it my fault if the farm turned out to be no good? 
(Takes a few steps up Right Center. Calling toward the hall- 
way.) Jasper! 

Enid. What are you going to do, dear? 

Franklin. Tell him to go find the children. (Moves swift- 
ly toward the hall arch. Calling.) Jasper! 

Jasper (Offstage up Left. Loudly. Negro dialect.) Ah's 
comin,' sah. 

Enid. They went for a swim. (Moves toward the French 
windows, going by the left side of the armchair.) 

Franklin (Pauses near the arch as Jasper enters from the 
hall, in front of the stairs. Jasper ^5 a colored butler of 
around thirty, ivith chocolate-colored skin and kinky black 
hair. He wears dark trousers and shoes, and a white starched 
coat. Franklin speaks on the cue, "They ivent for a swim.'^) 
Go down to the beach and tell Miss Royal and Mr. Barry I 
want to see them — at once. (Moves down Left Center. 
Frowns.) 

Jasper. They tole me not to call 'em befoah lunch, sah. 

Franklin. I said, tell them I want to see them! (Pauses at 
the right end of the Left couch, where he gets a pipe and 
tobacco off the coffee table during the following lines.) 

Jasper (Shakes his head dubiously as he steps closer to 
the hall door. Enid has paused in front of the windows and 
is now looking offstage up Right with a worried frown.) Miss 
Royal'll bawl the debbil outta me! She's wid dat man whose 
ancestors come ovah on de Juneflower! 

Franklin (Shortly.) Mayflower! Get going, will you? 

Jasper (Opening the hall door.) Ah'm goin'. 

Franklin (Sharply.) Then get ! 



J2 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT 

Jasper. Ah's got! (Exits, closes the door behind him, and 
passes the windows to go off Right during the following lines.) 

ENID. 1 don't think you ought to call her away from young 
Mr. Rowland when she's gone to so much trouble to get him 
off by herself alone, Franklin. She's trying to make him 
propose. 

Franklin (Tamping down the tobacco in his pipe, Confi- 
dently.J He'll propose all right. His father will see to that 

Enid (Moving quickly to down right of the armchair.) How 
do you know? 

Franklin. I've talked to him. (Looks very wise all of a 
sudden.) 

Enid. You mean, you've arranged things so that — ^that . . . f 

Franklin (Nods.) So that Rowland, Senior, is indebted to 
me, yes. You see, I loaned him some money to invest a few 
months ago. The investment turned sour and he's unable to 
pay the money back. I told him he needn't bother to return 
it if young King married our Royal. Get the idea? (Gives 
her a broad wink.) 

Enid (Widens her eyes and gasps slightly.) But, Franklin! 
That's sort of like blackmail 

Franklin (Shrugs his shoulders. Finding excuses for his 
high'handed methods.) Royal's in love with the boy, isn't 
she? And this will get our names in the Blue Book. (Frown' 
That's one of the reasons why I was so put out when I found 
out about your inviting that ignorant niece of yours here^ 
She's bound to humiliate us. (Disgustedly.) Poor relatives; 
There ought to be a law against them. (Sits on the couch, 
fiddling with his pipe, which, by the way, he never gets a 
chance to light.) 

Enid. They wouldn't have been poor if it hadn't been 
for ... 

Franklin (Sharply.) Enid! 
, Enid (Sighs and moves toward the other couch over Right.) 
I'm sorry, dear. 

Franklin (Frowns.) There's no reason for you to let your 
conscience bother you insofar as they're concerned. (Durinf^ 
the balance of this line Enid sits on the other couch, puts the 
telegram on the coffee table in front of it, and takes up a 



ACT I THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 13 

magazine to cover up her nervousness. Franklin goes on 
speaking,) You've been good to them. I let you send them 
birthday and Christmas presents every year. They ought to 
be grateful for our thoughtfulness. I have nothing against 
them personally. It's just that people in our position can't 
afford to associate with their kind. (Quickly, as Enid gives 
him a rather resentful look,) Oh, I know — she's your sister. 
But you've climbed way above her — I've seen to that. And 
you're going to stay above her — for your children's sake if for 
no other reason. That's why I've kept you away from her all 
these years. Our friends would look down on us if they knew 
about the Elliot side of your family. They believe our ances- 
tors came over on the Mayflower also. (Chuckles at the way 
he has deceived his associates,) 

Enid (Sighs,) I wonder how big that boat really was? 
(At this moment, Royal comes through the French windows. 
She is a lovely-looking girl of twenty-one, but her manner is 
sophisticated and spoiled — a result of her father's teaching. 
She has been brought up with a misguided faith in the super- 
ficial things and looks down her nose at the ^Hower classes.^' 
Quite a snob is Royal — on the surface. Deep down under- 
neath her skin, however, and buried so far that even she 
doesnt realize it. Royal has a human side that is only wait- 
ing to be brought to the surface by a sudden shock — which 
she gets later on. She wears a stunning bathing suit, beach 
sandals, a smart and expensive-looking beach robe, and car- 
ries a bathing cap.) 

Royal (Speaks as she enters and moves downstage behind 
the armchair, angry at having been called away from her 
boy friend.) What's the hig idea of sending for me at a time 
like this — just when King was admiring my new bathing suit 
and teaching me the Australian Crawl? I was going to 
scream for help and sink in a few minutes, so he'd have to 
rescue me and . . . (Pauses behind the armchair,) 

Franklin (Interrupting,) Where's your brother? 

Royal (Who is the only member of the family courageous 
enough to talk back to her father,) Don't interrupt me, 
Father. Couldn't you have waited until I came home for 



14 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT I 

lunch? I was going to cling to him with both arms around 
his neck, call him "My hero" and cry. 

Enid. What for, dear? 

Royal (Impatiently. She doesnt think her mother has too 
many brains.) To get him in a sympathetic mood, of course, 
with all barriers down, so he'd want to kiss me and maybe 
propose. /^Enid shakes her head, as much as to say, ^'It^s 
beyond me.'" Royal goes closer to where Franklin is sitting. 
Continues speaking without a pause.) And I thought you 
were diplomatic! 

Franklin. Take him out in one of the canoes tonight. 
There's going to be a full moon. (Replaces his pipe on the 
coffee table as the telephone rings and Jasper comes in 
through the imndows.) 

Jasper (Speaking as he enters.) Mistah Barry's comin' 
right behind me, sah. He hadda get rid ob Miss Moorehead. 
(Picks up the phone and talks into it during the following 
lines, saying, "De Endicott residence. Jaspah, de Endicott 
butler speakin. Whafd you say? . . . Yes, ma am, she's heah. 
Jest a minute an Ah' II call her.'") 

Enid (Surprised. To Jasper, speaking on the cue, '' . . . to 
get rid of Miss Moorehead.'') Hazel? Was she with him? 

Royal. Certainly, Mother. He's teaching her how to fish. 
(To Franklin. Smiles.) She loathes fishing. 

Franklin (Smiles.) Then she must like Barry? 

Royal. Or else she's bored with all the other boys. 

Franklin. And do you think he likes her? 

Royal. Why shouldn't he? The Mooreheads have been in 
"Who's Who" for the past hundred years, more or less. 

Franklin (Frowns, worriedly.) Unfortunately, that doesn't 
matter to Barry. I'm afraid he takes after your mother's side 
of the family. (Looks at Enid accusingly. Royal grins. Jas- 
per looks at Enid, holding out the receiver.) 

Jasper. Foah you, Missus Endicott. 

Enid (Rises.) Who is it, Jasper? 

Jasper. Missus Moorehead. 

Enid (Pleased.) Really? (Hurries up Right. During the 
following lines she takes the phone from Jasper and con- 
verses in pantomime — gushingly — as though talking to an 



ACT I THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 15 

extremely important person. During this, Jasper moves to- 
ward the hall arch, listening to what RoYAL and Franklin 
say,) 

Royal (To Franklin. Speaks on the cue, ''Really?'') 
Hazel said she intends to invite us all over this afternoon for 
tea. (^Franklin looks pleased.) 

Barry (Comes through the French windows, swinging a 
string of fish in one hand and carrying an expensive-looking 
rod in the other. Barry is a breezy, natural-acting young fel- 
low of twenty, who, in his heart, thoroughly disapproves of 
his father's and sister's snobbishness, but is ordinarily too 
dominated by them to have the courage to say so. He is 
agreeable, cheerful and energetic. Well-liked by people of all 
classes. He ivears shorts, tennis shoes, a pull-over sweater, 
which show off his athletic figure to good advantage. Speaks 
as he comes through the ivindows and down Right, Center. 
Jasper pauses near the hall arch.) Hi, Dad? What's cook- 
in'? Jasper said . . . 

Royal (Interrupting.) Barry! Did you catch all those? 
(Indicates the fish.) 

Barry. Sure — with Hazel's help. Here, J asp — take 'em to 
the kitchen, will you? We can have 'em for lunch. (Holds 
out the string of fish. Jasper moves closer to him, takes the 
fish and exits during the following lines, going off up Left, 
in front of the stairs.) 

Royal (Surprised. Speaks on the cue, "... can have 'em 
for lunch.") You mean to tell me that Hazel Moorhead actu- 
ally caught a fish? (Looks as though she found this hard to 
believe as she rises off the arm of the couch and goes closer 
to the armchair.) 

Barry. Sure. She's a good sport in spite of all the dough 
her mother has. (Moves closer to the couch over Right. Con- 
tinues speaking.) Rather goofy though — like Sis. 

Royal (Angrily.) What do you mean? 

Barry (Shrugs his shoulders. Leans his rod against the 
floor lamp on the upstage side of the Right couch.) Affected. 
Thinks she's better'n she is. You know. 

Royal (To Franklin, with a slight gasp.) Father! 

Franklin. That'll do, Barry. (To Enid, as she hangs up 



16 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT I 

the receiver and turns away from the phone table.) What did 
she say, Enid? 

Enid (Moving down Right Center.) She was very gracious. 
Asked the four of us over to tea this afternoon. She's going 
to have the Rowlands also. 

Franklin (Smiles. Barry makes a wry face. Royal looks 
pleased.) Splendid! 

Royal. And I haven't a thing to wear! 

Barry. What d'ye mean, nothing to wear? You have clos- 
ets full of stuff you bought just before . . . 

Royal (Coldly.) I wasn't speaking to you. 

Barry (Grins.) My error. (Sits on the Right couch.) 

Franklin (Rises and goes in front of Royal, moving to- 
ward Enid.J You accepted, of course? 

Enid (Nervously.) No, Franklin. I refused. 

Franklin (Surprised. Royal looks amazed. Barry looks 
pleased.) Refused? 

Royal. Mother! One just doesn't ever refuse an invitation 
from Mrs. Moorehead. She's liable to be offended. 

Enid. No, Royal. I told her we had a previous engage- 
ment. 

Barry (Grins and lounges back on the couch.) Swell. 
(^RoYAL shoots him an angry glance.) 

Franklin (To Enid. Frowningly.) What previous engage- 
ment ? 

Enid (Simply.) Edithe. (^Franklin gives vent to a dis- 
gusted snort and walks up Left Center.) 

Royal (Puzzledly.) Edithe? 

Enid (Nods.) Your cousin, dear. My sister's daughter. 
(^RoYAL frowns.) 

Barry (Leaning forward.) The one on that farm in Michi- 
gan? 

Enid. She and her brother are the only cousins you have. 
(To RoYAL.J She's coming to visit us. 

Royal (Gasps.) That little snip? 

Enid (Quietly.) How do you know she's a — a "little snip"? 

Royal (To Barry. As if a calamity had befallen them.) 
Our poor relative! 

Barry (Rises. To Enid.^) When's she coming? 



ACT I THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 17 

Enid. Today. I just received a wire from your aunt. (In- 
dates the telegram on the Right coffee table, Barry quickly 
snatches it up and reads it,) 

Franklin (Moves downstage, behind the Left couch. To 
Royal. Sarcastically,) Your mother wants to embarrass us 
before our friends, Royal. This is what I wanted to talk to 
you about. 

Royal (To ENiD.y) Whatever possessed you to invite her? 
I thought we were supposed to ignore the very existence of 
the Elliots? 

Franklin (Dryly,) We are. 

Enid (To Royal. Apologetically,) Well, we've never done 
anything for them, and -Martha reminded me of that fact in 
a letter I had from her a week or so ago . • • 

Royal. You mean, they're going to start asking favors of 
us? (Looks horrified,) 

Franklin (Dryly,) Evidently. 

Enid (Quickly,) Oh, no — just this one. In her letter, Mar- 
tha told me how difficult it has been for them ever since her 
husband died. How she would have liked to send both Edithe 
and Jim to college, but couldn't afford it . . . 

Franklin (Decidedly,) We're not going to send them to 
college. 

Royal. I should say not! (Looks insulted at the very idea,) 

Enid (To Royal, looking rather desperate as she ^'dry- 
washes'' her hands together,) She doesn't expect that. All 
she wants is for us to give poor Edithe a taste of high life 
for the summer. You see, the girl has never been any place — 
never associated with people of position and influence, and — 
and — well, her mother thought the experience would do her 
a lot of good. 

Barry (Looks up from the telegram. Rather excited at the 
prospect of meeting his cousin,) Say! If she started before 
this telegram was sent she'll be here today! (^RoYAL gives 
Franklin a horrified look, Franklin shrugs his shoulders as 
much as to say, ''We cant do anything about it now,") 

Enid (To Barry.^) That's what / was thinking — on the 
morning train. 

Barry. We'd better get ready to meet her. (Tosses the 



18 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT I 

wire onto the coffee table and starts rapidly upstage toward 
the hall arch.) 

Franklin (Sharply.) Stay right where you are, Barry! 
/"Barry pauses up Left Center. Franklin continues speaking. 
To Royal J We've got to nip this thing right in the bud. 

Royal (Nods.) Before it becomes a habit with them. We 
don't owe them anything. 

Enid (Meaningly. Looking at Franklin.^) Oh, no? (Moves 
toward the Right couch.) 

Franklin (Decidedly.) No! (To Royal.^) I was wonder- 
ing if I shouldn't write a letter of apology and have it deliv- 
ered to her when she gets off the train? I could say we were 
terribly sorry, but we have no room for her — the house is full 
of guests from the city . . . 

Royal. Father! You're a genius. 

Barry (Moving quickly downstage, between them.) Aw, 
look here! That'd be heelish. Anyway, she might be fun. 

Royal (Sarcastically.) Fun? Why, from what Father's 
told me, she's as green as grass. She'd have to be where she 
was raised — in a little farming community with no advan- 
tages and nothing to do but work all day long. 

Enid. Martha says she's a very sweet girl. 

Royal. Sweet and dumb, eh? 

Enid (Meaningly.) And, after all, she is a relative. I want 
you to be nice to her. 

Royal (Moving to the right side of the armchair.) Well, 
I shan't be nice to her. It's unreasonable to expect me to be. 
She'll do everything wrong. I hate to think of the way she'll 
dress. (Warningly.) I won't introduce her around. 

Enid (Reproachfully.) Is that a nice attitude. Royal? 

Barry. Not for my money, it isn't. 

Franklin (Sharply.) Nobody asked for your opinion, 
Barry. 

Barry (Dryly.) They never do around here. (Moves to the 
left end of the Left couch.) 

Royal. That's because it usually isn't worth anything! 

Barry. It's worth as much as yours. 

Royal (Who always turns to Franklin to settle an argu- 
ment.) Father! 



ACT I THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 19 

Franklin. Oh, stop arguing, Barry. (Moves in front of 
Royal, going closer to EisidJ Well, Enid, you got us into 
this. Now how are you going to get us out? 

Enid. I don't know what you mean? 

Franklin. I mean, how are are you going to explain her 
presence to our friends? 

Enid. Simply tell them the truth, of course. That she's my 
niece who's coming to spend the summer with us. 

Royal. And have them laugh us out of the community? 
Don't be stupid. Mother. I'd be ashamed to acknowledge my 
relationship with a girl from the wrong side of the tracks. 
I'll simply make it so unpleasant for her that she'll want to 
go back home before any one even knows she's here, and if 
they do find out after she's gone I'll say she was suddenly 
called back home on account of sickness or something. Now 
I'm going to get dressed. (Starts to the hall arch,) 

Barry (Dryly.) A regular chip off the old block, aren't 
you. Sis? 

Royal (Pauses quickly, upstage near the arch, Franklin 
whirls to glare at Barry.^) What did you say? 

Barry. Skip it. (Shrugs and sits on the left arm of the 
Left couch.) 

Enid (Meaningly, as Royal turns to go through the arch 
to the stairs.) People who are genuine are never rude, Royal. 

Royal (Pausing near the stars.) Oh, I don't intend to be 
outwardly rude. I'll merely let her know by my attitude that 
she isn't welcome, and if she has a grain of sense she'll take 
the hint and leave. (Exits up the stairs quickly.) 

Barry (To Enid, jerking his thumb over his right shoul- 
der in Royal's direction.) What that dame needs is a good, 
man-sized smack where it'll do the most good. 

Franklin (Angrily.) And what you need is a refresher 
course in good English. (To Enid, indicating Barry.^ He 
can meet her, if he likes — in the small car. (Walks up Right 
Center. Enid looks relieved.) 

Barry. What time is it. Mother? (Rises off the arm of 
the couch. 

Enid (Looking at her wristwatch.) Almost train time. 



20 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT I 

Barry. Til go as is. (Moves upstage to Franklin, going 
via the back of the armchair J Give me the keys, Dad. 

Franklin (Getting some car keys out of his pocket, but 
talking to ENiD.y) You'll have to get her alone first thing and 
warn her about talking too much. 

Enid. I will, dear. The poor thing will probably need a 
bit of coaching in deportment also. (Hurries toivard the hall 
arch, Franklin is taking one of the keps off the ring.) 

Franklin (To Barry.} I'm using the big car to go to the 
bank. Here. (Gives him the key.) 

Barry. Thanks. Is she pretty, Moms? (Moves toward 
Enid, who pauses in front of the arch.) 

Enid. Martha says she is. 

Barry (Grins.) Then leave it to me to show her a good 
time. See you later. (Moves past her to the hall door and 
exits, closing the door behind him. He is then seen hurrying 
past the windows to exit off Right.) 

Enid (To Franklin. Speaks on the cue, "See you laterJ^) 
I'm going upstairs now to arrange a room for her. Did you 
say you were going to the bank? 

Franklin (Shortly.) Yes. I have an appointment with Mr. 
Bascomb. (Takes up his panama hat, which has been lying 
on the phone table,) 

Enid. I do hope her clothes are right. 

Franklin. What does it matter as long as we're going to 
keep her out of sight? Sometimes I'm glad all my relatives 
are dead. (Starts through the windows.) 

Enid (She cannot resist getting back at him a bit.) The 
whiskey Baron, for instance? 

Franklin (Pauses suddenly.) What did you say? 

Enid (Smiles.) Or that tramp uncle of yours who slept in 
boxcars? 

Franklin (Angrily, Taking a quick step toward her.) Now, 
you see here . . . ! 

Enid. I just thought I'd remind you that at least my rela- 
tives are respectable. (His mouth drops open and his eyes 
widen. He is too astonished by her sudden, unusual, though 
quiet show of spunk to be able to think of a good come-back. 
She exits up the stairs, calling offstage without a pause in 



ACT I THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 21 

the dialogue,) Susie. Oh, Susie. I'd like you to vacuum the 
blue guest room. (Her voice fades away offstage.) 

Franklin. Humph! (This is an exclamation of mingled 
disgust and defeat as he jams his hat on his head and exits 
quickly through the windows, going to the Right, The tele- 
phone rings as he disappears. As it rings the second time, 
Jasper comes through the arch, in front of the stairs, and 
moves toward the phone,) 

Jasper (Mumbling to himself,) Ah'm comin'. Ah'm com- 
in'. You don't hab to ring youah haid off. (Takes up the 
phone,) De Endicott residence. De Endicott butler speakin'. 
What'd you say? (Slight pause, during which King Row- 
land moves behind the windows, coming from up Right, and 
goes to the hall door. King is a handsome, likeable and well- 
educated young man of twenty-one, with a good sense of 
humor and a breezy sort of charm. The type who can get 
along with almost anybody, and who hasnt allowed himself 
to be spoiled by too much money. He wears beach slacks and 
a sweater, which he has evidently put on over his bathing 
suit. His feet are encased in beach sandals, Jasper fails to 
see him as he passes the windows, and continues talking in 
the phone without a break in the dialogue,) Mistah Row- 
land? No'm, he ain't heah. De last time Ah saw him he was 
on ouah private beach wid Miss Royal, but she done come 
up to de house widout him. (A doorbell rings, offstage up 
Left, This is King at the front door,) Yes'm, Ah'll tell him 
if Ah sees him. (Slight pause.) Dat's all right, Missus Row- 
land. Thank you. Good-bye. (Hangs up and replaces the 
phone on the table as the doorbell rings a second time. As 
he crosses to the hall arch he mutters to himself,) Moah dog- 
gone bells in dis house! (He pauses in the hallway to open 
the door, and steps back away from it with a broad grin as 
King moves into sight behind the arch,) 

King (Speaking as he enters,) Hello, Jasper? Royal for- 
got her sunglasses. (Holds them up.) You can't buy any like 
these up here, so I thought I'd bring them back to her. 

Jasper. Thank you, sah. Ah'll take 'em up to her. Youah 
mothah jest called. (Takes the glasses,) 

King. What'd she want? 



22 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT I 

Jasper. Ah don't know, sah. But she seemed powerful 
anxious to talk to you. (^Edithe Elliot enters behind the 
windows, from the Right, and moves out of sight, going to 
the hall door, (^Edithe is a wide-eyed, innocent-appearing and 
extremely talkative young person of nineteen, vjith a vast 
amount of energetic enthusiasm, and a curiosity that is some- 
times embarrassing to others. To all intents and purposes she 
hasnt a brain in her head, but she is really much more clever 
than she appears to be. Her movements and manner of speech 
are quick and vital ordinarily, although she can be quiet 
enough ivhen the need arises. She is apparently always eager 
to confide in people, and gives the impression that she trusts 
everybody on sight. She wears a simple, home-made and not 
too stylish summer print dress, low-heeled play shoes, bobby 
socks, rather out of date swagger coat and a funny, pert little 
hat jammed on the back of her head. Her hair is her best 
feature, and is worn loose and fluffy. She carries a large, 
heavy, cheap and worn suitcase, and under one arm she holds 
a small cur dog,) 

King (To Jasper, speaking on the cue, "... anxious to 
talk to you,'') Wants me to pick up something from one of 
the shops on my way home, Fll bet. Mind if I use the phone? 

Jasper. Not at all, sah. Help youahseff. (Indicates the 
phone and turns away to the stairs, where he pauses as the 
doorbell rings again. At the same time, King hurries over 
to the phone table, ivhere, during the following lines, he picks 
up the phone and converses with his mother in pantomime, 
Jasper opens the door and steps back as he finds himself 
confronted with EmTUE.) 

Edithe (Giving Jasper a bright smile,) Hello? 

Jasper (Looking her over curiously,) Yes'um? 

Edithe. I'm Edithe. 

Jasper (Puzzledly,) Yes'um? 

Edithe. Edithe Elliot — Mrs. Endicott's niece. 

Jasper (Startled,) Huh? 

Edithe. Who are you? 

Jasper. Jasper, de butler. 

£dithe (Impressed,) A real, live butler in the flesh! Gee! 



ACT I THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 23 

The only ones I've ever seen were in the movies. We have 
movies in Covert, you know. 

Jasper (Blinking.) Yes'um? 

Edithe (Nods.) Once each week — in the Odd Fellows' Hall. 
You see, Covert isn't big enough to support a regular movie 
theatre. 

Jasper. Wouldn't you like to hab me take youah grip? 

Edithe. No, thanks. It isn't very heavy. Is my aunt here? 

Jasper. Huh? Oh, yeah. Sit down an' Ah'll call her. 
(Nods toward the armchair.) 

Edithe (Looking through the arch.) Gee! And to think 
this is only their summer place! What must their city house 
be like? 

Jasper. Ain't you never been dere? 

Edithe. Oh, no. This is the first time I've ever visited my 
relatives. I haven't even seen Aunt Enid or Uncle Franklin 
since I was a tiny little girl, and I've never seen cousin Royal 
or cousin Barry. Are they nice? 

Jasper. Well . . . 

King (In the phone, raising his voice.) Okay, Mother. I'll 
get it for you. Anything else? (Goes on talking in panto- 
mime.) 

Edithe (Looks around the archway at King, then turns to 
]asfer, speaking in a loud half -whisper.) Who's that? Barry? 

Jasper. No'um. Dat's King Rowland, a friend ob Miss 
Royal's. Don't you want me to take youah dawg? 

Edithe. Oh, he isn't my dog. I just found him on the 
street. He seemed to be lost so I thought I'd bring him along 
and we could advertise or something. I'll just wait in here 
till you tell Aunt Enid. Is that all right? (Gives him an 
engaging smile.) 

Jasper (Grins.) Yes'um. Make youahseff right to home. 
(Exits up the stairs as Edithe moves downstage toward the 
armchair, looking admiringly around the room. Then she 
carefully deposits the grip on the floor beside the armchair, 
and sits with the dog in her lap.) 

King (In the phone. Speaks on the cue, "... youahseff 
right to home.'') Did you hear from Dad today? When's he 
coming dow^n? (Slight pause.) Swell! I'd better hang up 



24 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT I 

now. It'll take me an hour or more to collect all that stuff. 
What? Royal? Oh, she's all right. I've been teaching her 
the crawl. Yes, I'll tell her. Good-bye now. Tell Gertie to 
have a good lunch ready. I'm beginning to feel empty. 
(Hangs up and replaces the phone.) 

Edithe (Brightly,) Hello? 

King (Whirls to face her, looking startled. He didnt rea- 
lize any one was in the room,) Huh? (Smiles,) Oh, hello. 

Edithe. I'm Edithe Elliot . . . 

King (Moving down Right Center, Looks her over curi- 
ously,) I'm happy to know you, Miss Elliot. 

Edithe. Your name's King Rowland, isn't it? The butler 
told me. It's a pretty name. 

King (Grins,) Thank you. 

Edithe. He also said you were a friend of my cousin. 

King. (Surprised, He probably thought she ivas a new 
maid,) Your cousin's friend? 

Edithe (Nods,) Royal. You see, my mother is Mrs. En- 
dicott's sister. 

King (Surprised,) Really? 

Edithe. And, of course, that makes Mr. Endicott my 
uncle ... 

King (Chuckles,) Of course. 

Edithe. Haven't they told you about the Elliots? 

King. Well — no. 

Edithe (Frowns slightly,) That's surprising. (Smiles 
again,) Oh, well, I suppose it just slipped their minds. 

King. It? 

Edithe (Nods,) Us. We're the poor relatives, you know. 
(Says this quite frankly — not at all ashamed of it,) 

King (Grins,) I — see. (Moves over to the Right couch.) 

Edithe. They started that way. 

King. They? (Sits on the couch, facing her.) 

Edithe. The Endicotts. Uncle Franklin didn't have a cent 
when he married Aunt Enid. 

King (Surprised, He had always been led to believe that 
the Endicotts were born with money,) What! 

Edithe (Rattling on. Apparently failing to notice his sur- 
prised reaction,) No more than my father had when he mar- 



ACT I THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 25 

ried my mother. (Sighs J They were great friends then. 
(Soberly.) It's funny what a lot of difference a little money 
can make, isn't it? 

King. How do you mean? 

Edithe (Shrugs,) In families. (With another hurst of 
frankness.) You see, it all came from my great-grandmother. 
All the property, I mean. She left it to the two sisters — my 
mother and my aunt. There was the farm where I was raised, 
and all this land around the lake here. It was left to them — 
er — jointly, I guess is the right word for it. 

King. Is that a fact? 

Edithe (Nods.) But the two families didn't want to live 
together, so Uncle Franklin suggested that Mother take the 
farm and he and Aunt Enid the lake property, which was just 
a sort of wilderness then, I guess. This is where the Endi- 
cotts made all their money, you know. 

King (Thinking it over. All this is a revelation to him,) 
Well, I knew they made some of it here . . '. 

Edithe. And the farm proved to be just an old, worn-out 
piece of land. But it's been a home, and we have managed 
to get a living off it. I guess m.y folks weren't as smart as 
the Endicotts. (Sighs again and pats the dog.) 

King. But, of course, they've — er — helped you . . . ? 

Edithe (Smiles and nods.) Oh, yes. They send us Christ- 
mas presents every year, and they never forget our birthdays. 
But, goodness, here I am talking about myself, and that isn't 
very polite. What do you do for a living? 

King (Smiles.) Not very much, I'm afraid. 

Edithe. Don't you work? 

King. No. I'm something in the nature of a parasite. 
(Grins.) 

Edithe (Puzzledly.) Parasite? 

King (Nods.) On my parents. You see, I don't have to 
work. 

Edithe. You mean, you're rich? (He nods.) Oh. How 
nice. (Looks down at the dog, which she continues to pat.) 

King (Rises.) Well, I guess I'd better run along. I hope 
you enjoy your visit. Miss Elliot. 

Edithe. That sounds strange. 



26 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT I 

King. What? (Moves closer to her,) 

Edithe (Smiling.) Everybody I know calls me Edithe. 

King. Then that's what 111 call you. 

Edithe (Brightly.) And Fll call you — er . . . (Frowns — 
forgetting his first name.) 

King (Prompting her.) King. (She smiles.) It's been nice 
meeting you — Edithe. 

Edithe. Thanks — ^King. 

King. And thank you for giving me your version of the 
family history. I got a great kick out of it, and so will some 
other people I know. 

Edithe. Really? Why? 

King. Well, you see . . . (Stops speaking as Enid hurries 
down the stairs.) 

Enid (Speaking as she enters and comes through the arch.) 
Edithe! What a surprise! We thought you'd be on the train. 
Barry's gone down to the station to meet you. Oh! (Pauses 
suddenly a few steps inside the arch as she sees King.^ King! 
I didn't know you were here. (Moves down to the left of the 
armchair.) 

King. Royal forgot her sunglasses . . . 

Edithe (Rises, putting the dog under her arm. To Enid.^ 
So you're Aunt Enid. My! But you're pretty. (Talking rap- 
idly.) It was just wonderful of you to ask me to spend the 
summer with you. Mother was thrilled to pieces. She sent 
you some home-made jam and jelly, and I've got a chicken in 
my suitcase. I do hope it isn't spoiled. (Looks at the suit- 
case. King laughs and starts to the windows.) 

Enid. Don't go, King. Royal will be right down . . . 

King (Pausing upstage near the windows.) Mother wants 
me to do some errands for her on the way home. Tell Royal 
to bring her cousin over to meet Mother, Mrs. Endicott. And 
if I can be of any help in showing her around, just let me 
know. 

Edithe (To Enid.j Isn't he nice? 

Enid. Er — thank you, King. I'll remember that. 

Edithe (Smiles.) So will I. 

King (Hurries downstage again, right of the armchair.) 
Do you know the Australian Crawl? 



ACT I THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 27 

Edithe. No. 

King. I'll teach it to you. 

Edithe. Will you really? ("Enid looks from one to the 
other, amazed at the sudden friendliness between them,) 

King. Tomorrow, if you like. 

Edithe (Eagerly,) Wonderful! /"Royal comes running 
down the stairs. She has changed to a striking sports dress 
with accessories to match.) 

Royal (Speaking as she enters and comes through the 
arch.) Mother! Jasper said King was down here talking 
to . . . (Stops abruptly as she sees Edithe.j 

Edithe (To Enid.^ Is that Royal? ("Enid can do no more 
than nod. Edithe hurries upstage to Royal. Enid moves 
behind the armchair. Edithe continues talking excitedly.) 
Oh, I'm so glad to meet you, Royal. My, but you're pretty! 
Aunt Enid was surprised when she came downstairs and found 
me already here. She said cousin Barry had gone to the train 
to meet_me. But I didn't come on the train. I came on the 
bus because we found it'd be cheaper, and a dollar saved is 
a dollar earned, you know — especially when dollars are so 
hard to get. 

Royal (Gasping.) Where did you get that dog? 

Edithe. Oh, I picked him up on the street. Isn't he cute? 
Feel how he cuddles down in your arms. (Shoves the dog 
into Royal's arms. King laughs. Enid looks worried.) 

Royal (Gasping.) Please! 

Edithe. He'll lick your face if you'll let him. 

Royal (Calling loudly through the arch.) Jasper! 

King (To Enid, indicating Edithe.j She's priceless, Mrs. 
Endicott. Just what we need around here to liven things up. 
(Goes to the windows, chuckling to himself.) 

Royal (Calling offstage. Loudly.) Jasper! 

Jasper (Offstage, up Left.) Ah'm comin'. Miss Royal. (He 
hurries down the stairs.) 

Royal. Take this mangy animal outside and turn him 
loose. (Holds out the dog as Jasper pauses beside her in 
front of the arch. Edithe is standing on the right side of 
Royal. King pauses in front of the windoivs, anxious not to 
miss out on anything interesting.) 



28 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT I 

Edithe. But if you do that, won't the dog catchers get 
him? 

Royal. I don't care who gets him. I won't have him in 
the house. (To Jasper.^) Go on. ("Jasper takes the dog and 
exits up Left, in front of the stairs. RoYAL glares at Edithe, 
then assumes a rather painful-looking smile and crosses in 
front of Edithe, going closer to King. Enid goes behind the 
Left couch. Royal continues talking.) Oh, King, I'm so 
sorry. As you know, I don't ordinarily lose my temper like 
this, but . . . 

King. Don't apologize. Royal. I'm having fun. 

Royal (Elevating her eyebrows in surprise.) Fun? (Looks 
around at Edithe, who seems puzzled at the manner in which 
Royal has received her.) 

King. It's always fun to meet any one so natural and un- 
assuming as Edithe. (Grins at Edithe, who smiles back at 
him.) 

Royal (Widens her eyes.) "Edithe?" 

Edithe (Quickly.) I asked him to call me that. 

King. And I asked her to call me "King." 

Royal (To Edithe. Narrowing her eyes.) Evidently you're 
the type who makes friends easily? The — er — forward type. 
(Smiles sarcastically and looks at King again. Edithe looks 
startled. Enid frowns uneasily.) 

King (Chuckles.) I guess I'm easy to get acquainted with 
also. Royal. Well, good-bye, Edithe. Remember tomorrow? 

Edithe. / will. (Smiles.) 

King. Good-bye, Mrs. Endicott. Good-bye, Royal. I'll ask 
Mother to have your cousin over for tea. (Exits to the right, 
going through the windows. Nothing is said until he is out 
of sight, then RoYAL whirls to face Edithe, feeling angrily 
humiliated.) 

Royal. What about tomorrow? 

Edithe. Eh? (Smiles.) Oh, he told me he'd teach me the 
Australian Crawl. ("Royal gasps. Edithe moves down left of 
the table, smiling at Enid. Continues speaking.) I said I 
didn't know it, but I do. 

Enid (With a slight gasp.) You — do? 

Royal. You mean, you deliberately lied to one of my 



ACT I THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 29 

friends? (Takes a feiv, quick steps downstage, right of the 
armchair.) 

Edithe (Shrugs her shoulders. Lightly.) Well^ Mother 
always said that if you want to make a man like you, you 
must let him show you how to do things. 

Royal (To Enid J Mother! (Her inflection seems to say, 
"She's impossible F^) 

Enid (To Edithe. Nervously.) Er — wouldn't you like to 
go up to your room, Edithe? 

Edithe. Whenever you say so, Aunty. But first I'd like to 
take the chicken and things to the kitchen. Do yoii have an 
ice box? (Gets the grip.) 

Royal (Snappily.) Of course we have an ice box. 

Edithe. I'll bet you have a washing machine, too, haven't 
you? 

Enid (Patiently.) Naturally, dear. 

Edithe. What do you do with your garbage? 

Royal (Gasps. Enid looks surprised.) Ga-garbage? 

Edithe (Nods.) Mother says you have people pick it up 
like they do in cities. But I should think you'd keep it in a 
pit and use it for fertilizer like we do on the farm. Of course, 
it's rather smelly when the wind's in the wrong direction, but 
it saves having to buy a lot of store fertilizer — especially 
when you've only got a few trees and flowers to take care of. 
The way we do it . . . 

Royal (Interrupting. Sharply.) We're not interested in 
the way you do that or anything else! (^Edithe looks sur- 
prised.) 

Enid (Gently reproving.) Royal! 

Royal (To Edithe.^ What did you and King Rowland talk 
about? 

Edithe. What did we talk about? 

Royal (Nods shortly.) Before Mother and I came down- 
stairs ? 

Edithe. Oh. (Smiles and puts the suitcase on the arm- 
chair.) Well, I said "hello" and he said "hello" and then I 
told him who I was. He didn't even seem to know about our 
side of the family. (Smiles at Enid.^) I guess you just never 
had occasion to mention us. ("Enid attempts a weak smile.) 



30 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT I 

Royal. We never mention you. ("Edithe looks surprised.) 

Enid (Reprovingly.) Royal! 

Royal. What did you say about the — the Elliots? 

Edithe (Complacently.) Oh, I told him all about us. 

Royal (To E^m.) I knew it! I had a hunch! (Moves 
down Right, frowning furiously.) 

Edithe (To Enid.^ Was there anything wrong in that? 

Enid. Er — no, dear. I . . . (Stops as Franklin comes 
through the ivindows from up Right. He removes his hat as 
he enters.) 

Royal (Speaking as soon as she sees him.) Father! She's 
here. (Nods at Edithe.^) 

Franklin (Pauses abruptly, looking at Edithe.^ Huh? 

Edithe (Brightly.) Hello, Uncle Franklin. My! How^ dis- 
tinguished-looking you are! 

Franklin (Tosses his hat onto the phone table and moves 
swiftly downstage to the armchair.) How the devil did you 
get here so quickly? The train only came in a few minutes 
ago. 

Enid (As Edithe opens her mouth to speak.) She took 
the bus . . . 

Royal (Sarcastically.) Because it was cheaper . . . 

Edithe (To Franklin. >) Mother sent you some home-made 
jams and jellies and . . . 

Royal (To Franklin. Takes a quick step closer to him.) 
The cat's out of the bag, Father. King was here when she 
arrived. (He looks horrified.) 

Edithe (To Enid, indicating Royal.^ What does she mean, 
"the cat's out of the bag?" 

Franklin (Quickly, before Enid has a chance to speak.) 
What did you tell him? 

Edithe (Puzzledly.) Tell him? 

Franklin (Nods.) About yourself? 

Edithe (Smiles.) Oh, I see what you mean. He's a nice 
fellow, isn't he? I liked him right away. We had a very nice 
talk. He seemed to be terribly interested in the way you 
made all your money and . . . 

Franklin (Explosively. Royal and Enid gasp.) You told 
him that? 



ACT I THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 31 

Edithe (In a rather small voice.) Y-yes. Shouldn't I have 
said that? 

Franklin (Groans,) Oh, my gosh! (Walks up Center,) 

Royal. What does she mean, Mother? 

Enid (Weakly,) Ask your — father! (Moves to the left end 
of the Left couch, and around in front of it, where she sits 
during the following lines,) 

Royal. Is there somethmg about this family I don't know? 

Edithe (To Franklin.^) I only told him what Mother told 
Jim and me. Jim's my brother, you know, and your . . . 

Royal. Be quiet! (^Edithe ividens her eyes. Royal moves 
swiftly upstage to FRANKLiN.y) Father. What is it? Is there 
something shady about . . . ? 

Franklin. Certainly not. I've told you how I developed 
this property and . . . (Breaks off and crosses closer to 
Edithe.^ Young lady, it might interest you to know that in 
one short hour you have torn down something that has taken 
me years to build up. 

Edithe (Puzzledly,) I beg your pardon? 

Franklin (Holding himself in with an effort.) By talking 
too much and to the wrong person ! People around here think 
we come from a long line of pioneers. I . . . 

Edithe. Well, we do — on Mother's side of the family. 

Franklin (Raising his voice,) I mean, aristocratic pio- 
neers. That's why they look up to us. 

Enid (Patiently explaining,) You see, Edithe, the type of 
people we associate with would look down on us if they knew 
about our poor beginnings. (^Edithe looks surprised,) They 
wouldn't think we were their social equals. 

Edithe. Mother always said those kind of people weren't 
worth associating with. 

Royal (Angrily.) We aren't interested in your mother's 
ideas. (To Enid.^) I knew she'd get us in trouble. Now we'll 
be ashamed to show our faces outside the house. (Goes to 
the couch, Right, twisting her fingers together nervously.) 

Edithe. I'm awfully sorry . . . 

Enid. It wasn't your fault. You just didn't understand. 

Susie (Comes down the stairs, where she pauses. Susie is 
a pretty, intelligent maid of twenty, who wears the regulation 



32 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT I 

uniform. Speaks as she enters.) Would the young lady like 
to come up to her room now? 

Franklin (Barks it.) Yes! (Moves upstage to the win- 
dows, wondering how on earth he is going to face his ac- 
quaintances. Edithe takes her suitcase off the seat of the 
armchair.) 

Enid (Rises.) In a minute, Susie. (^SusiE exits up the 
stairs. Enid goes closer to Edithe. Lays a hand on her shoul- 
der.) Don't look so miserable. Edithe. Royal and your uncle 
don't mean to be unkind. It's just that . . . 

Edithe (Interrupting.) Oh, I'm not miserable. I'm just 
trying to think of some way to rectify the wrong I've done 
you. I can't for the life of me see why you should be ashamed 
of, what you call, your ''poor beginnings," but that's your 
business and I should respect your wishes in the matter. Look, 
Royal. If I'm any judge of character, Mr. Rowland would be 
the last person in the world to hurt anybody. So if you'll 
give me his telephone number I'll call him up and tell him 
not to breathe a word of what I said. 

Royal (Coldly.) Much better for you to call him up and 
say you were telling him a pack of lies. 

Enid. Royal! 

Royal (Shrugs her shoulders.) It'll be much better for 
him to think badly of her than us. 

Franklin (Eagerly. Hurries downstage. To Edithe J 
That's it! Tell him you were only fooling — stringing him 
along. 

Edithe. Won't he be suspicious? I would. 

Franklin. Why should he be? He's known us for years. 
You're just a recent acquaintance. 

Edithe (Brightly. Her old enthusiastic self again.) All 
right. I'll fix it up. I'm awfully good at fixing things up. 
Uncle Franklin. You'll see. You'll see. Now if you'll just 
hold this for me while I . . . (Starts to hand him the suitcase, 
which suddenly comes open, spilling out lingerie, nightclothes, 
etc., along with several bottles of jams and jellies and a paper- 
wrapped package that might very well contain a chicken. The 
snap is so arranged that the young lady portraying the char- 
acter of Edithe can do this without the audience being aware 



ACT I THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 33 

of the way it is accomplished J Oh! My things! 

Royal. Good heavens! 

Franklin. Our best Oriental! 

Edithe (Quickly falling on her knees to survey the damage,) 
One of the bottles broke. It's the raspberry jam! But don't 
worry. I'll clean it up. Just get me a scrubbing brush and a 
pail of hot, soapy water. I'm wonderful at cleaning things up, 
you know. You should have seen what I did to our living 
room when Jim left the screen door open one day last sum- 
mer and some of the pigs got in. I don't know to this day 
how they got out of the pen. but they were all mud and it 
was an awful mess. Anyway, when I got through with the 
room — after we'd driven the pigs out, of course — it was as 
clean as a whistle, although it continued to smell like pigs 
the rest of the year! (She is frantically scooping up things 
and jamming them back in the suitcase. Royal is staring at 
her aghast. Franklin looks as if he'd like to murder her, 
Enid looks dazed,) 

CURTAIN 



34 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT II 



ACT TWO 

Locality: The same as Act One, 

Time: The following afternoon. About jive o'clock. 

Scene: The same as Act One. Fresh flowers have been placed 
in the bowls and vases and the old newspapers have been 
removed. A silver tea service stands on the coffee table 
down Left. The fishing rod and suitcase are gone. 

Lighting: The same as in Act One. 

At the Rise of the Curtain: Enid sits on the downstage 
couch holding a cup of tea, with a dainty napkin on her 
lap. She noiv ivears an attractive summer afternoon dress. 
Nancy Moorehead sits in the armchair with another cup 
of tea. Nancy is an aristocratic-looking woman of forty- 
five or so, although her dyed hair makes her look much 
younger. She is rather stout, but wears her smart dress 
and hat becomingly. She is a woman of varied tastes and 
a democratic outlook — gracious to rich and poor alike — a 
true lady. Her daughter. Hazel, sits on the couch over 
Right, also with a cup of tea. Hazel is about the same age 
as Royal, but there is no trace of snobbishness in her 
makeup. Perhaps this is because her family are truly aris- 
tocratic and have always been used to money. As a matter 
of fact, Hazel is slightly bored with her own "sef" and 
their sophisticated ideas. Consequently she gets a thrill out 
of the freshness and novelty of meeting people like Edithe. 
Royal stands upstage on the left side of the French win- 
dows, looking offstage up Right. She looks worried and 
anxious, and although she is trying desperately to get hold 
of herself, her temper is ready to flare at a moment's notice. 
She wears a stunning sports dress and holds a cup of tea, 
which she never drinks. Susie is passing a plate of dainty 



ACT II THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 35 

cakes. She has just given one to Nancy Moorehead and is 
moving toward Hazel as the curtain rises, 

Nancy (Speaking as the curtain rises. To EnidJ We really 
didn't mean to stay for tea, Enid. We only called to pay our 
respects . . . 

Hazel. And meet your niece. (^Royal gives her a quick 
look. She takes a cake from Susie and smiles.) Thank you, 
Susie. (^SusiE smiles and moves upstage toward RoYAL.^ 

Nancy (To Enid.^ King says she's perfectly fascinating. 
(^Enid gii;e5 Royal a nervous look.) 

Hazel. And Barry says she's "swell." (Smiles and nibbles 
at the cake,) 

Susie (To Royal, offering her the plate of cakes,) Miss 
Royal? 

Royal (Sharply,) No! (^Susie looks surprised, then shrugs 
her shoulders and moves down Left during the following lines, 
going via the back of the Left couch. Royal looks out the 
windows again,) 

Nancy (To Enid, after a look of surprise at Royal. 
Smiles.) I'm so sorry she isn't here. 

Enid. She — she ought to be back soon. She went swim- 
ming. More tea? (Puts her cup on the coffee table and 
reaches for the tea pot,) 

Nancy. No, thanks. (Sips her tea.) 

Hazel. Why didn't you go, Royal? 

Royal (Giving Hazel a quick look.) Eh? 

Hazel. Swimming — with King and your cousin? 

Royal (Forcing a smile.) I — I didn't feel like it. 

Enid (Quickly. Helping with Royal's alibi.) Royal's had 
a splitting headache all day. (^SusiE has moved around the 
left end of the couch. Now puts the tray of cakes on the cof- 
fee table in front of Enid.^ 

Nancy (Looking at Royal.J Oh, how unfortunate. 

Royal (Moving quickly downstage, right of the armchair. 
To Nancy.^ Mrs. Moorehead, when did King tell you about 
her? 

Nancy. Your cousin? (^Royal nods jerkily,) Last night. 

Hazel. When we ran into him at the Sugar Bowl. 



36 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT II 

Nancy. He says she's a droll little person. Completely un- 
inhibited. 

Hazel. He told me he got a great kick out of her. (^SusiE 
goes behind the Left couch to Nancy to collect her cup and 
napkin.) 

Royal (Getting in a dig.) She is rather amusing, in an 
illiterate sort of way. (To both Nancy and Hazel.^) You 
see, the poor thing's never had any advantages. We're ter- 
ribly sorry for her. That's why Mother's taken her on for 
the summer. Her people are dreadfully poor, you know — 
like the Southern artistocrats after the Civil War. (Manages a 
rather pained-looking smile.) 

Nancy. Dear me. How distressing. (^SusiE goes behind the 
armchair, toward the Right couch. Takes Hazel's cup and 
napkin during the folloiving lines.) 

Royal. However, we don't intend to bore our friends with 
her. We don't want them to feel that just because she's a — 
a relative of ours they're obliged to entertain her. (^Enid 
looks uneasy.) 

Hazel. Oh, it won't be a bore to us. Royal. (To Susie, 
as she takes her cup and napkin.) Thank you, Susie. (Smiles. 
During the following lines, Susie goes behind the armchair 
and Left couch to put the cups on the coffee table in front 
of Enid.j 

Nancy. Of course not. We'll be happy to give a little din- 
ner or something for her. (To Enid-^/ King says she's re- 
freshingly naive. 

Hazel. His exact words were, "unspoiled" and "simple." 
(Gets her compact out of her purse.) 

Royal (Grimly.) Oh, she's simple all right! 

Enid (Gently reproving.) Royal! 

Royal. Well, they might as well know the truth, .Mother. 
(To Hazel and Nancy, looking from one to the other.) Her 
manners are atrocious. She's always saying something to em- 
barrass us. That's why we're not asking our friends in to 
meet her. (Goes on quickly as she sees Nancy's and Hazel's 
surprised looks.) Oh, it isn't her fault. She tries to do the 
right thing. It's just that she doesn't know any better, and 
until we've had time to coach her and — and buy her the right 



ACT II THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 37 

kind of clothes . . . (She is interrupted by the precipitate 
entrance of Barry, who walks swiftly through the windows, 
coming from offstage up Right. He wears a good-looking 
sports outfit.) 

Barry (Speaking as he enters.) Hey, Sis! You ought to 
come out on the beach and see the fun. The way all those 
guys are crowding around Edithe you'd think they'd never 
seen anybody like her before. (Stops down Right Center, as 
he sees Nancy and Hazel.^) 

Royal (Shortly.) They haven't! (Moves behind the arm- 
chmr and the Left couch, ivhere she pauses, handing her cup 
to Susie during the following lines. Susie replaces it on the 
tray, which she then takes through the arch, going in front 
of the stairs as she exits up Left. She leaves the plate of 
cakes.) 

Barry (To Hazel. Speaks on the cue, "They haven t!") 
Hi, Hazel. Hello, Mrs. Moorehead. I didn't know you folks 
were here. (Moves closer to Hazel.^) 

Nancy (Smiling.) Hello, Barry. 

Hazel (To Barry.j We came to meet your cousin. 

Enid. Tea, dear? 

Barry. No, thanks. (Chuckles.) She's certainly caught on 
with the boys. King wanted to teach her the crawl, but he 
doesn't have a chance. They're all trying to date her up. 

Nancy. Really? ("Royal frowns.) 

Barry (Nods.) They were all sitting around her in a circle 
on the sand, listening to her tell 'em about life on the farm. 
(Chuckles. Hazel smiles.) 

Royal. Disgusting! (She is standing behind the Left 
couch.) 

Barry (To Royal. Defensively.) It was interesting. (To 
Nancy and Hazel.^) They have a smokehouse where they 
. cure hams. Her job each March is to clean out the smoke- 
house and keep the fire going. They use corncobs and hick- 
ory, and keep a piece of soapstone and a can of coil oil handy 
in a corner in case the fire ever goes out. 

Nancy. Dear me! How interesting! ("Royal looks bored. 
Enid smiles at the Moorehead's reaction.) 

Barry (Talking rapidly.) The cobs have to be, what she 



38 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT II 

calls, fresh-shucked, so they'll be clean and sweet-smelling. 
Then they rubbed . . . 

Hazel (Intensely interested,) Rubbed? What's that? 

Rajiry. Er — they get a little bucket full of brine and sit 
down outside the smokehouse on a bench and slosh the hams 
up and down in it. Then they'd rub in salt and brown sugar. 

Nancy. Goodness! What a lot of work! 

Hazel. Go on, Barry. It's utterly fascinating. (^Royal 
looks disgusted as she moves around the left end of the Left 
couch and sits beside Enid.J 

Barry. The meat had previously been salted down in Janu- 
ary, after they had butchered. 

Nancy (Elevating her eyebrows in surprise.) You mean to 
say, she helped with the — er — butchering? 

Barry. No. They get a man to come in and do that. 
("Nancy looks relieved,) 

Hazel. But why did they salt it down in January and 
again in March? 

Barry. Let's see . . . (Frowns thoughtfully, then smiles 
again as he remembers what Edithe had said,) Oh, yeah. 
The extra rubbin's to make sure the ham doesn't get "skip- 
pers," whatever that is. 

Nancy (To Hazel.^) A whole new world opening up right 
before our eyes! (To Barry.^) How long does the — er — 
smoking process take? Did she say? 

Barry. About five days, I think. Afterwards they wrap 
'em in brown paper and store 'em in a big barrel in one 
'of their upstairs bedrooms. 

Royal (Startled out of herself,) A bedroom! 

Barry (Nods,) So they'll keep during the winter. (To 
Nancy and Hazel.^ They heat only certain rooms of their 
house, I guess. But just imagine being able to get a whole 
ham so easy whenever you want to bake one for dinner. (To 
Enid, as he hurries behind the armchair toward the Left 
couch, pausing at the right end of it,) Want to know how 
they cook it, Moms? Her mother, Aunt Martha, gets out 
their biggest pot, puts in water and cider and a handful of 
raisins, and lets it boil. Every once in a while she takes off 
the lid and gouges the ham with a long fork. When it's tender, 



ACT II THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 39 

she takes it out, skins it, rubs the outside with brown sugar 
and mustard and spices, then bakes it. Edithe says it tastes 
like nothing you ever tasted before. Gimme a cookie, Sis. 
("Royal frowns. Enid offers him the plate of cakes. He helps 
himself to several,) 

Hazel (To Nancy, laughingly. Speaks on the cue, "Gimme 
a cookie. Sis.'') Makes my mouth water just to hear about it. 

Nancy. I had no idea farming could be so fascinating. (At 
this moment, Franklin comes through the windows. He now 
wears a neat, light weight summer suit and another summer 
hat.) 

Franklin (Smiles as he pauses in front of the windows and 
sees the ladies. Removes his hat.) Hello, folks. Enid, I didn't 
know you were having a tea party this afternoon. (Puts his 
hat on the telephone table and moves down Right Center.) 

Nancy. How do you do, Mr. Endicott? 

Hazel (Replacing her compact in her purse. She has been 
using it off and on to touch up her makeup.) It wasn't pre- 
arranged. Mother and I just came over to call. (Rises. 
Nancy follows suit. Barry sits on the right arm of the Left 
couch, eating the cookies.) 

Franklin. Well, don't let me drive you away. 

Nancy. You aren't. We've been here almost an hour. 

Barry. Stick around. Edithe'U be coming in pretty soon. 
("Royal and Franklin frown.) 

Nancy (Stepping closer to Franklin.^ You see, that's what 
we really came for — ^to meet this interesting niece of yours. 

Royal (Rises.) She's liable to stay out there the rest of 
the day — now that she has an audience. (Smiles supercili- 
ously.) I only hope the novelty of being the center of atten- 
tion doesn't go to her head. (Goes behind the couch, via the 
left end of it.) 

Barry. Not her. She's too anxious to make friends. 
(Royal gives him a black look, which he doesnt see. Enid 
rises.) 

Hazel (To Franklin. j Barry was just telling us about her 
life on the^,farm . . . 

Nancy (Nods quickly.) How they smoke and cook hams. 
It made us hungry just to listen to him. (Laughs lightly.) 



40 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT 11 

Royal (To Franklin, meaningly.) She was telling the boys 
about it — on the beach. (^Franklin frowns,) 

Barry. They were drinking it in, too. I guess they're not 
used to talking to girls who really do things. • 

Hazel (Laughing.) Why, Barry! Is that a reflection on 
Royal and me? 

Barry (Rises off the arm of the couch.) Aw, no. What 
I mean is . . . 

Nancy (Interrupts. Smiling.) We understand, Barry. She's 
a novelty. The things she does are different from the things 
our girls do, although I imagine our daughters could be every 
bit as capable if positions were reversed. 

Franklin. Thank heaven, they don't have to work like that. 

Hazel. And perhaps that's just what's wrong with us. 
(This is a surprise to the others.) 

Royal. What? 

Hazel (Shrugs her shoulders.) We've been spoiled and 
pampered all our lives. Made to feel that it isn't ladylike to 
cook and do housework when we can afford to have those 
things done for us. Oh, of course we were made to learn 
these things in school, but what good does the knowledge do 
us when we aren't allowed to take advantage of our experi- 
ence by doing them at home? 

Nancy (Moving in front of Franklin to go closer to 
Hazel. He moves behind the chair, exchanging looks with 
RoYAL.^ Why, Hazel! I never knew you wanted to work. 

Hazel. I don't. And that's just the trouble. We get lazy 
and expend all our energy in giving parties and dancing and 
going in for all the sporty things one is supposed to do — the 
fashionable things. We dash madly around to beauty par- 
lors, to the shops to buy clothes and the latest fads in jew- 
elry and stuff — go skiing, skating, tobogganing and sledding 
in the winter. Then pack up and come to places like this to 
swim, play tennis and badminton and do all the hundred and 
one useless things it's supposed to be proper to do in the 
summertime — and for what? Just because everybody else you 
know does all this. I think we ought to have a revolution. 

Barry (Enthusiastically.) Hear! Hear! 

Enid (Smiles. Nancy a/50 smiles. Franklin, too. Royal, 



ACT II THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 41 

however, is slightly bored by Hazel's ideas,) A revolt of 
pampered youth? 

Hazel (Nods.) Against precedent and custom. We ought 
to be made to get out and work for our living for a while, 
just to see what it's like. Some of our wealthy families do 
that. Why, we know a big manufactuer w^ho made his only 
son start at the bottom, at the lowest wage rate in the factory. 
The fellow had to live on his salary, too, because his father 
wanted him to learn how to get along like the smallest-paid 
employee. 

Nancy. Yes, dear. But Mr. Godfrey gives young John a 
promotion every once in a while . . . 

Hazel. Only when he thinks John deserves it. (To the 
others,) Some day, of course, he'll be an executive. Then, 
when his father dies, he'll be able to take over and run the 
business just as well as his father ever did. He will have had 
experience in doing everything his employees have to do, so 
he'll know when they're doing it right and . . . 

Royal (Interrupting. Moves to the left side of the arm- 
chair, going behind Barry.^ That's all very well in his case. 
Hazel. But what about us, whose parents have retired and 
have no businesses for us to learn how to handle when they 
die? 

Barry (Quickly, as Hazel opens her mouth to speak.) We 
ought to be made to learn a trade or something so we could 
get out and get jobs if we had to. 

Hazel (Nods.) In case our parents should suddenly lose 
their fortunes in a big depression or something. 

Barry. And have nothing to pass on to us . . . 

Royal. Oh, you two are funny. 

Franklin (Grinning.) I'd like to see Barry in a garage 
fixing automobiles. (Chuckles.) He'd come crying back to 
papa after the first week. (He and Nancy laugh. Enid smiles.) 

Barry. That's what you think! 

Royal. And wouldn't Hazel look funny manicuring nails 
and giving permanent waves? (Laughs. Franklin chuckles. 
Enid smiles, Nancy laughs lightly,) 

Hazel. I'll bet I could do it though. 

Barry. Sure you could. (Grins, indicating RoYAL.j I'd 



42 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT II 

give a year's allowance to see Royal here smoking hams and 
milking cows. Boy! That'd be worth a thousand bucks of 
anybody's money! (Laughs heartily. Franklin and Royal 
froivn. Hazel titters. Enid looks nervous. Nancy smiles.) 

Enid (To BarryJ They do it with machines now-a-days, 
dear. (Then they all look at the windows as Edithe's voice 
is heard.) 

Edithe (Offstage up Right. Loudly.) I have to change, 
King. I'm getting cold. 

King (Offstage up Right. Loudly.) Okay. I'll wait for you. 

Edithe (Offstage.) Better come in the house and ask Aunt 
Enid. I wouldn't w^ant to do it without her consent. (Runs 
through the French windows and stops short at sight of the 
strange ladies. King enters behind and pauses beside her. 
She wears a bathing suit, beach sandals and a cheap-looking 
rather old-fashioned robe. Her hair is loose and in wild 
disarray, but she makes a pretty picture. King wears bathing 
trunks, sandals and a good-looking beach robe, open down 
the front. He looks quite handsome with his tousled hair. 
Edithe speaks as soon as she enters.) Oh! I didn't know we 
had company. 

Hazel. Hello, King. 

King. Well, hello there? How are you, Mrs. Moorehead? 
Er . . . (Looks at Franklin and the other Endicotts, wait- 
ing for somebody to make the introductions.) 

Barry (Taking things in his own hands.) Edithe, this is 
Mrs. Moorehead. (To Nancy.; Edithe Elliot. 

Nancy (Smiling.) How do you do. Miss Elliot? 

Edithe (Takes a few quick steps down Right Center — on 
a line with Nancy and Hazel. King remains standing in 
front of the windows. Franklin ^5 behind the armchair, close 
to Royal. Barry is on the left side of the armchair. Enid 
stands near the right end of the Left couch.) I'm awfully glad 
to meet .you. You'll excuse the way I look, won't you? You 
see . . . 

Nancy (Interrupting — her manner friendly,) Of course, my 
dear. We're used to seeing young people run around in bath- 
ing togs up here at the lake. This is my daughter. Hazel. 

Hazel (Smiles.) Hello. 



ACT II THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 43 

Edithe (Smilingly, J How do you do? You're Barry's 
friend, aren't you? My aunt told me about you last night. 
When are you and Barry going to get married? (This is, of 
course, a tactless remark and comes as a surprise to all con- 
cerned.) 

Enid (With a slight gasp.) Edithe! 

Royal. Of all the embarrassing questions . . . ! 

Edithe (Looking around.) Oh, now I've said something 
wrong again, haven't I? 

Nancy (Smiles.) No, dear. Not wrong. Just — er — sur- 
prising. 

Hazel (Smiles.) Because, you see, Barry and I don't mean 
a thing to one another — that way. 

Barry. No. We're just good friends. (Grins at the resent- 
ful expression on Franklin's and Royal's faces. Enid, of 
course, looks worried.) 

Edithe (Surprised.) Is that a fact? Why, Uncle Frank- 
lin said . . . (Stops, quickly catching herself before she 
makes too bad a slip.) 

Franklin (Quickly. To Nancy.^I That I hoped they would 
like each other enough some day to — er — to . . . (Glares at 
Edithe.^ 

Enid (Somewhat bteathlessly. King stands upstage grin- 
ning.) You see, we're both so fond of Hazel . . . (Plucks at 
her dress nervously.) 

Nancy. And she's terribly fond of you. (Smiles. Edithe 
looks from one to the other affrightedly.) 

Hazel. But Barry and I would never get along as — as . . . 

Barry (Grinning.) We'd fight like cats and dogs. 

Edithe. I'm so sorry I spoke out of turn. 

Nancy. Think nothing of it, dear. 

Edithe (Smiles.) I'm glad you're so nice about it. Now, if 
you'll excuse me, I'll go upstairs and change. (Starts to the 
arch, going via the back of the armchair.) 

Hazel. We must be going anyway. 

Edithe (Pauses near the arch.) I'm terribly glad to have 
met you. (To King, nodding at Franklin.^ Ask him, King. 
If it's all right with him it's all right with me. (Exits up the 
stairs on the run.) 



44 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT II 

Franklin (To King J What does she mean? 

King (Moving downstage, closer to FranklinJ Oh, it's 
nothing to make a fuss about. I asked her to go to the dance 
tonight and she said she couldn't without your consent. 
(^RoYAL stiffens. Barry gives her a sly look.) 

Nancy (Laughing.) How delightfully old-fashioned. 

Hazel. Imagine us, at our age, asking permission to go to 
a dance! 

King. She says that's the way her mother raised her. 
(Grins. Dramatically.) Mr. Endicott, may I have the honor 
of escorting your fair niece to the ball at the Moonlight Pa- 
vilion this evening? ^Hazel and Nancy laugh. Barry grins, 
Enid frowns nervously. Royal can hardly contain herself.) 

Franklin (Dubiously.) Well . . . 

Royal (Quickly. Trying her best to manage a smile.) 
Father, she can't. We were going to take her to the movies. 
Remember ? 

Franklin (Quick to catch on.) Oh, yes. That's right. (To 
King. Smiles.) There's a picture she's particularly anxious 
to see. (^Barry walks upstage quickly, his shoulders shaking 
with suppressed laughter.) 

King. Won't it be running the rest of the week? 

Franklin. Yes, but unfortunately, I — I . . . (Hesitates, 
trying to think up a good excuse.) 

Royal (Quickly. To King.j Father has engagements every 
other night. 

Franklin (Smiling at King and nodding.) And I want to 
see the picture, too. 

King. I — see. (Grins.) Okay. Some other time. (To 
NANCY.y) Mind giving me a lift, Mrs. Moorehead? I came 
down with a couple of friends. 

Nancy. Not at all. King. Happy to have you. Well, good- 
bye, everybody. We enjoyed the tea. (Moves up Right. Dur- 
ing this and the following lines, Jasper comes past the win- 
dows on his way to the hall door, carrying the mailj 

Hazel. It was nice to meet your niece. I think I'd like her. 
(Follows her mother to the windows. Franklin, Royal, Enid 
and Barry all move up Center.) 



ACT II THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 45 

Barry. Yeah. She's a peach. (^King moves upstage, right 

of HAZEL.y) 

Enid. Do come again soon, won't you? 

Nancy (As she and HAze/ pause in front of the windows.) 
Of course, dear. And you must all come over to see us. (Goes 
through the windows.) Beautiful day, isn't it? (Exits up 
Right.) 

Franklin. Yes. Not too hot. 

Hazel. Perfect for 5A\imming. (Exits up Right, behind 

NANCY.y) 

King (To RoYAL.y) How about you bowing out of the 
theatre party and coming with me to the dance, Royal? 

Royal (Shortly.) I'm sorry, but I want to see the picture, 
too! 

King. Okay. I'll have to ask someone else. So long, folks. 

Enid. Good-bye, King. (He exits up Right.) 

Barry (Moving in front of his family and onto the "porch'' 
so he can call after KiNG.^ I think you've made a hit with 
Edithe, King. Try again. (^Royal flounces down Left Center. 
Franklin moves down Right Center. Enid stands upstage, 
watching both her daughter and husband, ivell knotving what 
a storm is about to break.) 

King (Offstage up Right. Loudly. Speaks on the cue, ''Try 
again,'') Okay, fella. There are plenty of things to do, 

Barry (Steps in through the tvindows, grinning at Royal J 
Boy! It looks as if Edithe's going to cut you out, doesn't it, 
Sis? 

Royal. Shut up! Father, I . . . (Stops as Jasper co/ne5 to 
the archway, having just come through the hall door.) 

Jasper (Speaking as he enters.) Ah got de mail. 

Franklin. Don't bother us, Jasper. We're busy. 

Jasper (Looking at the mail in his hand.) Nothin' much 
today 'ceptin' some newspapers, magazines an' a letter foah 
youah niece. 

Royal (Sharply.) Then take it up to her and leave us 
alone! (He gives her a surprised look and exits up the stairs. 
Royal hurries in front of the footstool and armchair, going 
toward Franklin.) Father! I'm not going to stay in this 
house another day with that— that designing little person! 



46 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT II 

Enid. Now. Royal . . . (Moves downstage, left of the arm- 
chair.) 

Royal (Furiously.) I mean it! You can see for yourself 
how she's trying to take King away from me . . . 

Barry. Aw, she isn't trying to take him away from you. 

Enid. Not deliberately anyway. 

Barry (To RoyalJ Nobody's told her how you feel about 
him. that's all. (Sits on the right end of the Left couch, help- 
ing himself to another cookie,) 

Enid. You see, dear, she's so green . . . 

Royal. If she's green then I'm purple! She's only been 
here a little over twenty-four hours, and already she's dis- 
rupted the whole household! I tried in various little ways 
all yesterday evening to show her how unwelcome she is, but 
nothing I said or did seemed to make the slightest impres- 
sion on her. She must have the hide of a rhinoceros! (Walks 
restlessly past Franklin, going down Right.) 

Barry. Oh. she knows you don't like her. She told me so 
this morning. I tried to make excuses for your meanness . . . 

Royal (Gasps and ivhirls to face him^ standing down 
Right.) You— what? 

Barry. By telling her you were just hard to get acquainted 
with. I told her you'd thaw out in time. (Grins.) 

Royal, Well, I won't thaw out! I hate her! 

Enid. Royal . . . . ! 

Royal. I do! I do! And if you don't stop sticking up for 
her I'll think you're a very unnatural mother. (She is breath- 
ing heavily — all but exploding in her anger.) 

Enid. I'm not sticking up for her, Royal. But I don't think 
you're being fair to the poor child. Goodness knows, she's 
anxious enough to please everybody. And people seem to 
take to her . . . 

Royal. Because she's a novelty to them. She makes them 
laugh. She's a — a sort of freak and makes me feel as if we're 
running a side show! 

Barry. With you playing the part of the man-eating lion, 
huh? (Grins.) 

Royal. Be quiet, or I'll come over there and slap your face! 

Franklin. Now, now. Royal, there's nothing to be gained 



ACT II THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 47 

in getting yourself all worked up. I feel about the same way 
you do, and I'm every bit as anxious to wash my hands of 
her. But it isn't for us to tell her to go. That's 'your moth- 
er's job. (Frowns at Enid.^ 

Enid (Lowly,) Franklin! 

Franklin. You were the one who invited her. Now it's up 
to you to get rid of her. 

Enid. I couldn't be so hear; less. 

Royal. Isn't it heartless of you to keep her here and see 
her taking my fiance away from me right in front of our eyes? 

Barry. He isn't your fiance yet. 

Royal. Father! If you don't make him keep out of 
this . . . ! 

Franklin (Sternly,) We'll hear no more from you, Barry. 
/^Barry shrugs and goes up Left Center. Franklin turns back 
to ENiD.y) After all, Enid, Royal is your own daughter, and 
your first loyalty should be to her. 

Enid. But, Franklin, she's so unreasonable . . . 

Royal (To Franklin, with a dramatic gesture in her moth- 
er's direction.) You see? She's even turning my own mother 
against me! (Sits on the louver end of the Right couch, cry- 
ing.) 

Franklin (To Enid.>) You ought to be ashamed of your- 
self. (^Jasper comes down the stairs At the same time the 
telephone rings.) 

Enid (To Franklin, indicating RoyalJ And Royal ought 
to be more charitable. 

Jasper. Was dat de phone? (Pauses in the archway.) 

Franklin (Snaps- it.) I'll answer it. /^Jasper shrugs and 
exits up Left, in front of the stairs. Franklin stalks upstage 
and picks up the phone. Speaks into it in pantomime during 
the following lines.) 

Enid (Going closer to Royal, who continues to sniff and 
look sorry for herself. Enid speaks on the cue, ^'Vll answer 
it.'') Edithe isn't turning me against you. Royal. Nobody 
could do that. I'm too fond of you. After all, you're my 
daughter and she's only a neice. - I'd do anything to make 
you happy. 



48 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT II 

Royal. Then prove it by asking her to go. fENiD looks 
pained.) 

Barry (Disgustedly.) I'm gonna get out of here before I 
explode and say what I really think! (Starts up Left Center, 
just as Franklin puts down the phone.) Who was it, Dad? 

FliANKLiN (Shortly.) Buck Hanaf ord. (Moves down Cen- 
ter behind the armchair, looking at RoYAL.^ 

Barry. He was one of those guys on the beach with King 
and . . . 

Franklin. Yes. He wanted to talk to her. 

Enid. Edithe? (^Franklin nods shortly. 

Royal. What for? 

Franklin. Wanted to ask her for a date. 

Royal (Rises angrily.) Oh! (Walks in front of Enid, 
Franklin and the armchair, going toward the Left couch. 
Barry grins.) 

Franklin. I told him she was too busy to answer the phone. 

Barry. Gee, Dad. You shouldn't have done that. 

Franklin (Angrily.) Don't tell me what I should and 
shouldn't do, young man! (The phone rings again.) Answer 
that. And if it's another boy asking for her . . . 

Royal (Wails and sits on the Left couch.) I think I'm 
going mad! (Sniffs, on the verge of tears again. Barry grins 
and talks into the phone in pantomime during the folloiving 
lines.) 

Franklin (To Enid, indicating Royal J You see what all 
this is doing to her? (Goes closer to Enid.) Don't be stub- 
born. Enid. You can put it in a nice way so the girl's feel- 
ings won't be hurt. Give her a present of some kind . . . 

Royal (Eagerly.) One of my old dresses . . . 

Franklin. And give her some things to take home to her 
mother and brother. After all, she's had a nice trip, met some 
nice people, seen how the other half lives and . . . 

Barry (Interrupting.) Long distance. Dad. For you. 

Franklin (Hurries to the phone table.) Yes? 

Barry. From New York. (Gives him the phone and moves 
down Center. Continues speaking as Franklin talks into the 
phone.) Well, what's the verdict? 

Royal. Mother's going to tell her to leave. (Rises, looking 



ACT II THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 49 

as if she felt better now, Franklin's manner becomes agi- 
tated and excited as he talks into the phone and hears some 
bad news.) 

Barry (To Enid. Surprised.) That a fact? 

Enid. I'll have to, I guess, if I want to keep peace in the 
family. Martha will probably never want to speak to me again 
as long as I live. (Sighs. Barry looks at Royal as if he 
could kill her.) 

Royal (Quickly — almost gaily.) You don't care. You never 
see her anyway. And Father doesn't want to keep in contact 
with her, you know. I'll tell Susie to call her. (Hurries to the 
hall arch.) Then we'll all go out and leave you alone. Oh, 
Susie. (Pauses in the archway, calling up Left.) 

Barry (Going closer to Enid.J It's a dirty trick, if you ask 
me. What's she done? That's what I'd like to know. Noth- 
ing except try to be agreeable. Sis is just jealous and . . . 

Royal (Calling offstage.) Susie. Where are you? 

Enid (To Barry.) It can't be helped, Barry. It wouldn't 
be right to have our family divided. (During this line SusiE 
enters up Left, below the stairs, and pauses beside RoYAL, 
who tells her in pantomime to ask Edith to come downstairs. 
Susie then exits up the stairs and Royal walks down Left, 
smiling to herself.) 

Barry (To Enid. Speaks without a pause in the flow of 
dialog.) But, doggone it all, I like her. So does everybody 
else she's met, except Sis and Dad. If only they^d come down 
off their high horses everything'd be all right. What's Dad 
got against her outside of her being poor and a little dumb 
and . . . ? 

Enid (Quietly.) She troubles his conscience. He doesn't 
like to be reminded of the fact that but for him her family 
might be almost as well off as w^e are. 

Barry (Puzzledly.) Huh? 

Enid. I think you two ought to know that in the begin- 
ning — after my grandmother died . . . 

Franklin (Interrupts by banging down the phone.) Good 
gosh! I never thought a thing like this would happen to me. 

Royal (As they all turn to look at him.) Father! 
What . . . ? 



50 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT II 

Franklin (Excitedly. Hurries downstage, to the right side 
of the armchair J That was my broker. He says we've lost 
fifty thousand dollars! 

Barry (Loudly,) What? 

Royal (Horrified,) Fifty thousand dollars? 

Enid (Amazed.) Franklin! 

Barry. How come? 

Franklin. A bad investment. Something I didn't tell your 
mother about. It was a mine . . . 

Enid. A mine? 

Franklin (Nods. Talks rapidly. The others look utterly 
dumbfounded.) In Colorado. Something I was sure of. I'd 
looked it up thoroughly — felt certain it would make us a 
million, I'm not the only one who was hooked. There were 
a couple of other fellows . . . 

Barry (Interrupting.) A gold mine, Dad? 

Franklin. Yes. But it was all a clever swindle. And to 
think I fell for it! Somebody ought to give me a good, swift 
kick in the pants! (Moves upstage, nervously.) 

Barry (To Enid.^) Gee! This is like getting a sock between 
the eyes! 

Enid (Moving swiftly in front of Barry, going closer to 
Franklin. >) How did you lose so much? 

Franklin (Pausing up Center.) Because that's what I had 
to put up in order to get my share of the property. 

Royal. Isn't there any way of getting any of it back? 

Franklin. Not unless we find the promoter, and he's dis- 
appeared. Just vanished off the face of the earth. Must have 
planned it for months ahead. By this time he's probably in 
South America or . . . (He is interrupted by the entrance of 
Susie, who comes doivn the stairs.) 

Susie (Speaking as she enters.) She says she'll be right 
down, Miss Royal. (Exits up Left, in front of the stairs. They 
all look at her as they hear her voice — then look at Franklin 
again.) 

Enid (To Franklin.J I'm so sorry, Franklin. 

Royal. Does this mean that we're — broke? (Looks horri- 
fied at the thought.) 



ACT II THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 51 

Barry. Gosh! Maybe we'll have to go to work after all! 
(^RoYAL looks startled,) 

Franklin (Shortly ) Don't talk nonsense. Naturally you 
won't have to go to work. We've twenty-five thousand or so 
left in cash. And we've a lot of property we can dispose of. 

Royal. Oh, we couldn't sell any of the houses! 

Barry. Why not? 

Royal. What would people think? 

Barry. What do you care what people think? 

Franklin. We all care what our friends think, Barry. 
Without them knowing it, they've put us where we are today. 
I hate to get rid of any of our assets, of course, but we 
spend around ten thousand dollars a year and . . . (He is 
interrupted by the entrance of Edithe.J 

Edithe (Speaking as she hurries down the stairs, holding 
the letter from home. She has changed to a simple, but be- 
coming little home-made print dress. Her manner is excited — 
as if she had just received some wonderful news.) Aunty! 
Oh, Aunty! I just got a letter from Mother, and what do you 
think? She says . . . (Hurries through the arch.) 

Royal (Impatiently.) We haven't time to hear what your 
mother says. 

Edithe (Pausing at the right end of the Left couch.) I 
know. But this is just terribly exciting . . . 

Royal (Sarcastically.) Has the cow had a new calf? 

Edithe (Puzzledly.) What? 

Royal. Or the pig a new litter of piglets? 

Edithe (With a gay little laugh.) Goodness, no. I . . . 

Royal. What else could be exciting to people living on a 
farm? (^Franklin frowns and moves up Center.) 

Edithe. Well, in this case, it's the farm itself. You see . . . 
(Looks at the letter.) 

Royal (Shortly.) We're not interested. (She has been 
standing in front of the Left couch. Now walks over Right, 
going in front of the armchair.) 

Enid (Moving downstage behind the armchair. To Edithe. 
Kindly.) We're all upset, Edithe. We've just had some rather 
distressing news. 



52 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT II 

Edithe. Oh. I'm so sorry. What is it? Can I do anything 
to help? 

Franklin (Shortly,) No! (To Enid. Moves downstage 
beside her,) I'm going down to the bank to see Mr. Bascomb. 
To Royal and Barry.^) You two had better leave your mother 
and cousin alone. (To Edithe, indicating^ Enid.^) Your aunt 
wishes to have a talk with you. (Starts to the windows,) 

Edithe (Smiling at Enid.^) Really? 

Royal (With a grim smile, before Enid has a chance to 
speak. Franklin grabs his hat off the coffee table,) Yes — 
something of a private nature. Come on, Barry. Let's go 
play some symphonic records. (Takes his arm and draws him 
toward the Left arch, going via the back of the armchair,) 

Barry (Grouchily,) I don't like that kind of music. 

Royal. Then we'll play some jive. 

Barry. A funeral march'd be better atmosphere for what's 
going to happen around here. (They are nearing the Left 
arch, Franklin starts through the windows, but stops short 
as he hears Edithe's next line,) 

Edithe. It seems a shame for you people to be depressed 
when I feel like celebrating the great discovery. (The word 
"discovery'' makes the others prick up their ears. Royal and 
Barry stop short near the Left arch,) 

Enid. Discovery? 

Franklin. What discovery? 

Edithe. The discovery of oil on our property. (The others 
react in astonished surprise,) 

Barry. Oil? 

Franklin (Hurries down Right Center,) Did you say 
"oil"? 

Royal (As if she hadnt hear aright.) On your farm? 

Edithe (Brightly.) Yes. That's the great news I wanted to 
tell you about. (Goes closer to Enid, indicating the letter.) 
They found it out quite by accident when an engineer of 
some kind stopped at the place to put some water in his 
car. He saw something floating on top of several little pud- 
dles — you see, it had been raining the night before. (Looks 
from one to the other as she talks rapidly.) He examined it 
and said it was oil. Then he '//ent away, but sent some other 



ACT II THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 53 

men out to see what they thought. Well, to make a long story 
short, they took samples — looked all over the place — and 
offered Mother fifteen thousand dollars for the property. 

Royal ( Widens her eyes. Gaspingly.) Fifteen thousand 
dollars . . . ! 

Barry. Holy cow! 

Franklin. Only fifteen thousand? 

Enid (To FRANKLiN.y) That would sound like a fortune to 
them. (Looks at Edithe again.) 

Edithe. Well, you see, the place isn't worth over five. I 
know, because once when we had a draught we tried to sell 
it and that's all we were offered. 

Enid. How wonderful! I'm so happy for you. 

Barry. Yeah, that's swell! 

Franklin. And is your mother going to sell? 

Edithe. She hasn't decided yet. She wants me to write 
her what / think she ought to do. Of course, we'll never be 
able to put down wells and things. Oh, isn't it heavenly? We 
can live a long time on fifteen thousand dollars — in the city, 
where Mother won't have to work. Naturally Jim and I will 
get jobs, but whatever we do will be a cinch after work on 
the farm. And that way we can live real fancy — see shows 
and eat in restaurants once in a while and . . . (Suddenly 
remembering. To Enid.^^ But what did you want to talk to 
me about. Aunt Enid? 

Enid. Well, you see, dear — your uncle thinks . . . 

Franklin (Quickly.) Never mind, Enid! 

Enid. (Puzzledly.) What? 

Franklin. I've changed my mind. (^Royal looks sur- 
prised.) 

Barry (Grins.) I thought you would! 

Franklin (To Edithe.^ Your mother would be very fool- 
ish to sell to people she doesn't even know. She's never bucked 
up against these high-powered promoters. What she needs is 
someone she can trust to advise her. 

Edithe. You know, that's just what I think. (Emu watches 
Franklin narrowly, well knowing that he has concocted some 
idea. Barry also senses this and looks ill-at-ease. Royal is 



54 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT II 

too surprised by the sudden turn of events to do much more 
than stare,) 

Franklin (To Edithe. Speaking on the cue, "That's just 
what I think'') You'd better write her immediately and tell 
her not to do anything until she's talked it all over with me. 

Enid (Quickly,) You? 

Franklin (Nods. Shortly.) Certainly. She's my sister-in- 
law, isn't she? It's my duty to coach her — give her the benefit 
of my legal experience, so she won't make any wrong moves. 
(^Enid gasps as he pushes her out of the way and hurries 
closer to Edithe, talking rapidly.) I'll tell her what to do, 
Edithe. Ask her to come here and visit us. 

Edithe (Gasps. She had never expected this.) He-here! 

Franklin (Nods.) Your brother, too. Your aunt will love 
having them and . . . 

Edithe (Interrupting. Strangely disturbed.) Oh, no! They 
— they can't leave the farm. There's too much work to be 
done. 

Franklin. Nonsense! They can hire someone to do the 
chores while they're away. 

Edithe. No, they couldn't. They can't afford to pay a 
man to . . . 

Franklin (Determined to get the family where he can talk 
to them all together.) Then I'll pay him. (She gasps.) 

Enid (Utterly amazed.) Franklin! 

Royal. Father! Are you out of your mind? 

Franklin. They can pay me back, can't they? (To 
EditheJ Go on now. Write them and ask them. Tell your 
mother to stall off these other people for a while. She can 
write them she's making up her mind. (In his eagerness he 
pushes Edithe toward the hall arch.) 

Edithe (Stepping backward toward the arch.) But — but — 
Uncle Franklin . . . ! 

Franklin (Interrupting.) Never mind thanking me. I'm 
doing it for your mother's good. While she and your brother 
are here enjoying themselves I'll take a man I know and go 
to your place to look it over in person. 

Edithe (Gasps.) What! 

Royal. Why, Father? 



ACT II THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 55 

Franklin. I want to see the evidence of oil myself! 

Edithe (Gasping again.) You want to see . . . ? 

Enid (Warningly,) Now, Franklin . . . ! 

Franklin. Well, I might be actively interested if it's what 
they say it is. 

Barry (Astonished,) You might be actively interested? 

Royal. Father! Are you thinking of putting money in that 
deal? 

Franklin. Why not? (To Edithe as Royal, Barry and 
Enid exchange amazed glances,) You're our relative, Edithe. 
Don't you think it would be a nice thing to keep something 
like this in the family? 

Edithe (Dubiously,) Well . . . 

Franklin (Continuing,) Rather than sell to outsiders, and 
perhaps be forced to undersell at that. 

Edithe. Of course, but . . . 

Franklin. Oh, I know what you're going to say. It's for 
your mother to decide. Very w^ell. That's all right with me. 
We'll bring her here — with all expenses paid — just like a reg- 
ular business trip. 

Royal (To Barry.^) I think he's going crazy! 

Barry (Grins,) Yeah. Crazy like a fox! 

Edithe (To FRANKLiN.y) You could write her all this with- 
out her having to . . . 

Franklin. Now, now, I won't take no for an answer. May- 
be instead of writing you'd better send her a telegram. Hurry, 
will you? You must work fast in a proposition like this. 
(Pushes her closer to the stairs,) 

Edithe. But, Uncle Franklin! You see . . . 

Franklin. Would you rather make it out down here? 

Edithe. No, but . . . 

Franklin. Then go on and w^e'll wait. (To EmD.) Maybe 
we'd better wire her the money for her fare, Enid. And 
enough to buy a few clothes with. (To Edithe, beaming,) 
That ought to please her, don't you think? 

Edithe. She'll be utterly floored! I — I don't know what 
to say. You've taken my breath away. You . . . 

Franklin. I don't want you to say anything. All I want 
you to do is — act. 



56 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT II 

Edithe (Speaking with a rush of words.) All right — I will. 
I — ril write the letter at once. (Exits up the stairs on the 
run, Franklin walks down Left Center, gleefully rubbing his 
hands together,) 

Franklin (To his family.) And that, my dear family, is 
what you might call fast thinking. 

Royal. Very poor thinking, if you ask me. Now we'll have 
all of them on our necks! 

Barry (To Royal. Thoroughly enjoying the sudden 
change in circumstances.) Just when you thought you were 
going to get rid of her! Oh, boy! (Laughs heartily and 
moves upstage, toward the hall arch.) 

Royal (Hurrying closer to Franklin.^) And for what? 
Just so you can buy a little piece of their property . . , 

Franklin. Not a "little piece," Royal. We're going to get 
it all. 

Barry (Startled,) Huh! 

Enid (Gasps,) All? 

Franklin. Certainly. (Pats Royal's shoulder.) But you 
needn't worry. Royal. After the deal is cinched and they get 
their money we'll get rid of all three of them and, I hope, 
never see them again. 

Enid (Gasps,) Franklin! 

Barry (Moves quickly down to left of Royal.^ That's a 
gyp! Downright crooked . . . 

Franklin. Nothing of the kind. Those people offered them 
fifteen thousand. I'll offer them twenty . . . 

Enid. When the place is probably worth five times that 
much! I'm not going to let you take advantage of my sister. 

Franklin. I won't take advantage of her. I'll simply make 
her an offer. She can take it or leave it. By inviting them 
here I'll simply be getting them where the wolves can't get 
at them . . . 

Barry. And into the lion's den! We know you. Dad. 
You'll make 'em think black is white. 

Franklin. Oh, be quiet! I'd be a fool to pass up an op- 
portunity to recoup what I lose in that mine deal, and maybe 
a lot more. (To Enid.^) The way I have it figured out is this. 
They want to get off the farm and live a life of comparative 



ACT II THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 57 

ease in the city. Okay. That's just what they'll be able to do. 
I'd like to make enough easy money so we won't have to dis- 
pose of any of our assets. Well, here is a heaven-sent oppor- 
tunity to do just that. (To RoYAL.j I want you, Royal, to 
be as pleasant and friendly as you know how. Show them a 
good time — make them happy — put them at their ease so 
they'll be grateful to us. Later on, we can forget they exist 
and settle down once more to our regular way of life. Boy! 
This has been our lucky day! Now I'm going to the bank. 
(Hurries to the windows, leaving the others to stare after 
him as the curtain falls quickly.) 

CURTAIN 



58 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT III 



ACT THREE 

Locality: The same as the previous acts. 

Time: A few days later. Late afternoon. 

Scene: The same as Acts One and Two, Fresh flowers in the 
howls and vases, along with different magazines and news- 
papers, are about the only changes. 

Lighting: There is more red in the lights than formerly. This 
gives the reflected glow of afternoon sunlight. The bunch 
lights behind the windows are rose-colored — to suggest sun- 
set. Later on these will dim out for a dusk effect. 

At the Rise of the Curtain: Enid is talking into the phone 
and King is passing the windows on his way to the hall 
door. As soon as he is out of sight the doorbell rings off- 
stage and, after a moment's pause, Jasper enters in front 
of the stairs to answer it, Enid now wears a becoming 
afternoon dress. King looks handsome in a natty sports 
outfit, 

Enid (Speaking as the curtain rises.) Yes, we're expecting 
them this afternoon and we'd like you and Hazel to come over 
for dinner if you can so you can be the first ones to meet 
them. I realize it's short notice, but if you were planning on 
eating at home anyway . . . What did you say, Nancy? (Lis- 
tens a few seconds. This should be where the doorbell rings.) 
Yes. The afternoon train. Franklin, Barry and Edithe are at 
the station now waiting for it to come in. Edithe's frightfully 
nervous, the poor child. She's been going around as if she 
were in a dream the past few days. 

Jasper (To King, as he opens the door for him and steps 
hack so King can he seen in the hall,) Howdy, Mistah King? 

King (Briefly, Looking worried about something.) Hello, 



ACT III THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 59 

Jasper. Is Miss Edithe here? ^^Enid goes on talking into the 
phone in pantomime.) 

Jasper. No, sah. She done went to de dee-po wid Mistah 
Endicott to meet her relations. But Missus Endicott's heah. 

King. Good. I'd like to talk to her. (Moves through the 
arch, while Jasper closes the door behind him and exits up 
Left in front of the stairs.) 

Enid (In the phone.) We'll serve dinner at seven, but come 
as early as you can so you will have time to talk a bit and 
get acquainted before eating. ^King pauses Left Center.) 
Franklin asked me to invite you. Good-bye. (Hangs up and 
repUices the phone on the table.) 

King. Good afternoon, Mrs. Endicott. (Moves down Left 
Center.) 

Enid (Surprised.) King! What a coincidence! I was just 
going to call you and invite you over for dinner tonight. My 
sister and her son are arriving on the afternoon train. (Moves 
down Right Center.) 

King (Frowning.) Yes, I know. 

Enid. You'll come, of course? 

King (Hesitantly.) Well . . . 

Enid. I hope you haven't anything else on? 

King. No, but — Mrs. Endicott, I'd like to talk to you if you 
have a few minutes to spare? 

Enid (Smiles.) Of course, King. Sit down. (Indicates the 
Left couch.) 

King. Thanks. (Sits on the right end of the couch. Enid 
sits in the armchair. He continues to speak.) It's about 
Edithe. What's wrong with her? 

Enid (Elevating her eyebrows.) What's wrong with her? 

King. She's been acting funny the past two or three days. 
Sort of — well, different, I guess you'd call it. I'm wondering 
if I've done or said anything to offend her. 

Enid. Oh, I'm sure you haven't, King. We've noticed the 
difference, too. 

King. Have you? 

Enid (Nods.) She's nervous, serious and preoccupied. Not 
at all like her former, vivacious and happy-go-lucky self. 



60 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT III 

That's strange, too, considering . . . (Checks herself as if on 
the point of saying too much.) 

King. Considering her sudden good fortune? Is that what 
you were going to say? 

Enid. Who told you about . . . ? 

King. Barry. 

Enid (Frowns.) Oh, that's too bad. 

King. Why? Aren't people supposed to know? 

Enid (Smiles again.) Well, Franklin thought it best not to 
noise it around until — well, until everything had been settled. 

King. / haven't told anybody. Barry asked me not to. I 
haven't even mentioned it to Edithe. I thought I'd wait for 
her to spring it when she felt like it. But it's made a great 
difference in her attitude towards me. 

Enid. I don't think it's that. King. I think she's excited 
over the coming of her mother and brother. 

King. Maybe so. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, 
Mrs. Endicott. Not only about Edithe, but — well, to tell you 
the truth — and I know you're going to think I'm sort of batty 
when I tell you this — I can't make up my mind which one of 
them I like best. 

Enid (Puzzledly.) Which one . . . ? 

King (Nods.) Edithe or Royal. 

Enid (Surprised.) Why, King! 

King (Rises and goes closer to the armchair.) Isn't it 
crazy? There was no doubt in my mind about Royal, before 
Edithe came along. And at first I was only nice to her be- 
cause she was your relative and I wanted to make her feel 
welcome. 

Enid (Surprised again.) Really? 

King. Then she sort of — sort of got under my skin. She 
is a lot of fun, you know. 

Enid. Yes, I know. 

King (Walks in front of the armchair, going down Right. 
Frowns thoughtfully.) The worst part of it is that I was 
on the verge of asking Royal to marry me before she came 
along. 

Enid (Quietly.) We'd better not tell Royal about that, 
Kino;. 



ACT III THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 61 

King (Pauses down Right and turns to face her.) Do you 
think she would have accepted? 

Enid (Not wishing to He, and at the same time trying to 
spare her daughter's pride,) Well ... 

King (Frowning on the floor and shoving his hands in his 
pockets.) One minute I think I'm in love with her, and the 
next I'm sure it's Edithe. That's a strange way for a fellow 
to feel. (Looks at her.) 

Enid. Yes. It must be rather — uncomfortable. 

King. Of course, you're Royal's mother and I shouldn't be 
talking, to you like this. But, on the other hand, you're 
Edithe's aunt and naturally you're pretty fond of her. It'd be 
pretty tough for you to be able to give me any impartial 
advice. (Grins, self-consciously.) 

Enid. Yes, King. I'm afraid it would be. 

King (Walks Right Center.) I know I'm not such a prize. 
But I also know I want to get married. 

Enid (Quietly.) And do you also know that both Royal 
and Edithe wish to marry you? (Smiles.) 

King (Pauses upstage and grins at her.) Well, I think they 
do. Does that sound egotistical? (Moves back doivnstage, 
right of the armchair.) 

Enid. Well, it's very frank. 

King. I'm trying to be frank. That's the way I want to be. 
Frank and honest. I've put it up to Mother and Dad and 
they're in favor of Royal because they say she's the kind of 
girl I ought to marry. Dad spoke about her education, money 
and background — you know. 

Enid. I wouldn't allow all that to influence me, if I were 
you, King. 

King. I'm not. Edithe hasn't any of those things, and yet ■ 
there is something mighty appealing about her. Oh, it's a 
mess! (Moves toward the windows.) I'd better go home and 
change my clothes if I'm coming back here for dinner. 

Enid (Rises.) We're serving at seven. 

King (Pauses in front of the windows.) Thanks. 

Enid (Moves upstage beside him.) I'd like very much to 
have you for a son-in-law. King. So would my husband. I'd 
even appreciate having you for a — a nephew, even though 



62 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT III 

Royal might be hurt, which, of course, she would be. Royal 
has her faults, but she's good and sweet underneath. Like 
many of the girls around here, she's been spoiled. That hasn't 
been her fault. Her parents have been to blame. Up until the 
time Edithe came to visit us she had everything her own way. 
But now . . . (Smiles,) . . . Well, don't let me influence you. 
This is a decision you'll have to make all by yourself. (^RoYAL 
comes doivn the. stairs and pauses in the archway as she hears 
King's voice. She ivears a stunnijig summer afternoon dress. 
Neither King nor Enid notice her entrance.) 

King (Smiles.) You're a swell person, Mrs. Endicott. I 
knew you'd understand. (Exits through the windows, to the 
Right.) 

Enid (Takes a step through the windows, calling after him.) 
Come back as soon as you can. King — so you'll have time to 
get acquainted before dinner's served. (Starts back through 
the windows. At the same time, Royal comes through the 
arch.) 

Royal (Speaking as she enters.) What did he know you'd 
understand? 

Enid (Rather surprised at learning that Royal has over- 
heard.) Eh? 

Royal (Pauses down Left Center.) King. What was he 
talking to you about? 

Enid (Smiles.) Edithe. 

Royal (Frowns and all but grits her teeth together.) Oh! 
(Moves in front of the armchair, going toward the Right 
couch.) 

Enid. And — you. 

Royal (Sarcastically.) Nice of him to include me in his 
conversation. 

Enid. I told him I didn't think we'd better tell you, Royal. 
But now I think you ought to know. You see . . . 

Royal (Interrupting.) Never mind! I can guess. He's in 
love with her, isn't he? Well, that's all right with me. (Sits 
on the Right couch, reaching for a magazine on the coffee 
table.) 

Enid (Quietly.) I think he's more in love with you. 

Royal (Surprised.) What? 



ACT III THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 63 

Enid (Smiles and takes a step closer to her.) He said that 
he was on the verge of proposing to you before she came to 
visit us. 

Royal (As if she found this difficult to believe,) Mother! 

Enid. And admitted that at first he took her around merely 
to please us, because she was a relative and he wanted to make- 
her feel welcome. Then, he says, she got under his skin. 

Royal. By deliberately flirting with him! I told you she 
was trying to take him away from me. If only Father had let 
you tell her to leave as we had agreed . . . (Replaces the mag- 
azine on the coffee table.) 

Enid. That would have been the worst thing that could pos- 
sibly have happened, Royal. In that case he would have felt 
sorry for her, because she would have been sure to tell him 
^ve were putting her out. (Moves over Left Center,) 

Royal. Well, go on — ^tell me the rest. He was in love with 
me, but now he's in love with her. That's it, isn't it? 

Enid (Pauses Left Center and turns to face Royal.^) No. 
Now he's all confused because he thinks he's in love with 
both of you. 

Royal (Elevating her eyebrows in surprise.) He thinks 
he's . . . ? 

Enid (Nods.) And he's trying to make up his mind which 
one of you he's going to ask to marry him. 

Royal (Rises quickly.) Well! Of all the insulting, humili- 
ating things . . . ! 

Enid (Quickly.) Wait, Royal. I'm your mother and I want 
you to know that your happiness is one of my chief concerns. 
I was very close to you when you were little, but as you grew 
older you listened more and more to your father's advice and 
— well, I'm afraid you grew away from me. (Moves back to 
the armchair.) However, I think it's time we had a little 
heart-to-heart talk, don't you? 

Royal (Froivns.) What about? 

Enid. You, dear, and your future happiness. 

Royal. You mean, you want to tell me all the things that 
are wrong with me? 

Enid (Nods.) I'd like to be frank, yes. 



64 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT III 

Royal (Wearily.) Oh, Mother, I'm in no mood to be 
picked on. (Goes upstage to the windoivs.) 

Enid (Quietly.) I don't intend to "pick" on you. Royal. 
But I can see you ruining your entire life if you don't stop 
thinking only of yourself and give a little consideration to 
others for a change. (^Royal pauses upstage^ in front of the 
windoivs, and whirls to face Enid, opening her mouth as if 
to make an angry retort. Enid, hoivever, goes on talking 
without giving Royal a chance. Enid is now standing at the 
upstage end of the armchair.) That's been your trouble, dear. 
You've always been too wrapped up in yourself. In other 
words, you've been selfish. You never tried to put yourself 
in the other fellow's place. 

Royal (Angrily. Walks quickly downstage and pauses on 
a line with Enid.^) You don't have to enumerate my short- 
comings. I know them. I'm spoiled, selfish, inconsiderate, 
ill-tempered, egotistical, proud and a lot of other disagree- 
able things. But at least I can hold my own around here, and 
that's more than you've been able to do. 

Enid (Shocked by the girVs frankness.) Royal! 

Royal. I don't mean to be unkind, Mother. But it's true. 
I love you and so does Father, and I know you love us. But 
turn about's fair play, you know, and if you're going to criti- 
cize me you ought to be wdlling to let me tell you a few of 
the things I think you've done wrong. 

Enid. Why, of: — of course. I . . . 

Royal. For instance, whereas I've been too selfish, you've 
been too ^^7^selfish. I mean by that, you've been too meek and 
mild all your life. You haven't asserted yourself enough. 
You've let Father and me walk all over you. Isn't that a 
fault? Do you think we would have dared to run things the 
way we have if you had ever shown a bit of temper and stub- 
bornness instead of being so irritatingly passive and self- 
sacrificing all the time? 

Enid (Widens her eyes. Royal is putting into words what 
she has been thinking for quite some time.) Why, Royal! 

Royal (Talking rapidly.) People can go to extremics in 
many ways, you know. Mother. They can be afraid to speak 
up and assert their rights, or they can be overly domineering 



ACT III THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 65 

and get their way by being disagreeable and hard-headed. 
We can't help the way we're born, and if you parents want 
to know why your children are the way they are you ought 
to look at yourselves. Take Barry, for example. He's you all 
over again. I'm like Father, unfortunately for you. If only 
I had inherited more of your traits and Barry had inherited 
a little of Father's aggressiveness we would both have been 
better off. 

Enid (Laughs suddenly.) Oh, Royal! How — how funny! 
(Moves to the right end of the Left couch,) 

Royal (Thinking she is about to be criticized again.) 
What's funny about it? 

Enid. The idea of you lecturing me like this! (Laughs 
again.) 

Royal (Frowns.) I might have known you'd resent it. 
(Walks away to the Right couch.) 

Enid. Oh, but I don't, dear. I think it's wonderful. I had 
no idea you were so observing. And the strangest part about 
it is, you're right. I — I've been a mouse! (Laughs again.) 

Royal. I didn't say that. I . . . 

Enid (Laughing and talking at the same time.) But it's 
true, dear. You've opened my eyes. I see it all differently 
now. I'm to blame for everything, just because I've been too 
lenient all my life. It amazes me! (Laughs again.) 

Royal. Oh. you're just laughing at me. You . . . (Stops 
speaking and looks quickly at the windows as Franklin's 
voice is heard offstage up Right.) 

Franklin (Offstage up Right. Loudly and cheerfully.) 
Well, here we are, folks. Let me take your grip, Martha. 
Barry, you help Jim with his. 

Enid. They're here! (Hurries to the arch, calling offstage.) 
Jasper! Susie! The folks have arrived. (Quickly opens the 
hall door as Franklin, Martha Elliot, Edithe, Jim and 
Barry come past the windows, from up Right. Franklin car- 
ries a dilapidated old grip belonging to Martha, and Jim 
carries an old suitcase with a piece of rope tied around it 
holding it together. Barry carries an old-fashioned ''telescope" 
if one can be procured for the production. Otherwise this 
may be just another old-fashioned grip.) 



66 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT III 

Edithe (Speaking as she and the others appear behind the 
windows, on the cue, "The folks have arrivedJ^ She talks rap- 
idly, breathlessly, as if not wanting anybody else to get a 
word in. She wears a simple little summer dress, light weight 
sport coat and jaunty little hatj Isn't the view of the lake 
beautiful from the porch. Mother? You'll love the swimming, 
Jim. And there's lots of fish. They stock the lake every year. 
Barry'll take you out in his boat, won't you, Barry? And just 
wait till you see all the pretty girls on the beach! 

Enid (As Franklin allows Martha to come through the 
hall door ahead of him.) Martha! 

Martha. Enid! Oh, it's just wonderful to see you again! 
(They embrace and kiss in the hallway.) 

Enid. How well you look, dear. Come here and meet Royal. 
Royal, this is your Aunt Martha. (Draws her down Right 
Center. Jasper and Susie appear in the hallway, coming from 
up Left, in front of the stairs. At the same time, Franklin 
appears in the hallway and gives Martha's grip to Jasper, 
instructing him in pantomime to take it upstairs, which Jas- 
per does during the following lines. Martha is a sweet- faced 
woman of fifty, or thereabouts, with work-roughened hands, a 
slight stoop and gray hair, done up in an old-fashioned man- 
ner. She wears a cheap but new print dress, a rather old- 
fashioned light weight coat and a plain, rather unbecoming 
hat. Her jewelry consists of a plain gold wedding ring and 
little gold earrings. She may also wear old-fashioned glasses.) 

Martha (To Royal, speaking on the cue, "This is your 
Aunt Martha.'') My goodness! I wouldn't have known her, 
she's so pretty and grown up. Why, the last time I saw you 
you were just a little shaver with skinny legs, pigtails and 
freckles. Give your aunty a kiss. (^Royal's smile looked 
forced as she allows Martha to kiss her on the cheek.) 

Royal (Stiffly.) I'm happy to see you, Aunt Martha. 

Franklin (Moving through the arch and taking off his hat. 
He wears another smart-looking summer suit. Speaks to JiM 
who just now appears in the hallway.) Give your grip tc Susie, 
Jim, and make yourself at home. (Chuckles and speaks to 
Enid as he moves downstage behind the Left couch. During 
this business, Jim timidly hands his grip to the smiling 



ACT III THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 67 

Susie, while Edithe and Barry appear in the hallway behind 
him and close the door. There must be no pause in the dia- 
logue.) Edithe's been talking her head off ever since they got 
off the train. I never heard such a chatter-box. She wouldn't 
let Barry or me get a word in edgewise. (Chuckles again and 
puts his hat on the left end of the couch.) 

Edithe (Brushing past Jim and moving downstage toward 
the armchair. Her manner is breathless and excited.) That's 
because I'm so excited, I guess. Jim, come here and meet 
your cousin. Royal, this is my big brother Jim. He's very 
l3ashful. (Giggles.) 

Jim. Aw, I am not. Hello, Royal. (Grins, self-consciously, 
and moves toward Edithe. Jim is a tall, rather awkward but 
clean-cut and athletic-looking young man of eighteen, who 
wears his cheap summer suit as though unaccustomed to such 
''finery." He takes off his straw sailor hat and fumbles with 
the brim nervously. During this, Barry gives the suitcase he 
carries to SusiE, who exits up the stairs, after which Bajiry 
wanders in through the arch, hands in his pockets, grinning at 
the ''relatives.''' Barry now wears a good-looking sports outfit,) 

Royal (Stiffly.) How do you do? 

Edithe. How do you like their home. Mother? Isn't it 
lovely? It was decorated by a man they brought all the way 
from New \ork. And wait till you see the bedrooms. Maybe 
you'd better go upstairs right away. Come on. I'll show you 
where you're to . . . (Starts back toward the arch.) 

Enid (Laughing,) Edithe! For goodness sakes, child. Give 
them at least a chance to get their breath. (To Martha.^) Take 
off your hat and coat, Martha, and sit down for a minute. 
You must be tired after your long trip. 

Martha (Taking off her hat.) No trip on the train would 
ever tire me, Enid. It was too exciting. I haven't been on a 
train for — my stars! — not since I married, I guess. (^Enid 
takes her coat and hat during the following lines.) 

Franklin (To Jim./ Sit down, Jim. (Indicates the Left 
couch, behind which he is standing. Royal sits on the Right 
couch.) 

Jim. Aw, I don't mind standing. (Grins at Royal, who 
cannot help but smile at his apparent self -consciousness.) 



68 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT III 

Martha. Go ahead, Jim. Sit over there by Royal. Go on, 
now. Don't be bashful. She's your cousin, you know. (To 
RoYAL.J Girls make him tongue-tied. (Laughs shortly.) 

Jim. Aw, they do not. (And as if to prove it he moves 
toward Royal. Sits stiffly beside her during the following 
lines, being very careful to pull up his trousers so the crease 
will not be spoiled. Edithe removes her hat and coat.) 

Martha (To Enid.^ Speaks on the cue, ''Aw, they do 
not.'^) But he likes 'em just the same. The house is bigger'n 
I thought it'd be, Enid. Edithe says you have ten rooms? 
(Sits in the armchair.) 

Enid. That's right, Martha. (During this and the follow- 
ing lines, Susie comes down the stairs and downstage to Enid, 
from whom she collects Martha's hat and coat. She then 
takes Jim's hat, after ivhich she gets Franklin's hat from him 
and exits through the arch to the Left, in front of the stairs. 
She also takes Edithe's things.) 

Franklin (To Barry, holding out his car keys. Speaks on 
the cue, "Thafs right, Martha.'^) Here, Barry. Put the car 
away. ^^Barry goes to him, gets the keys and exits through 
the windows to the Right during the following lines.) 

Edithe (To Martha, noiv standing on the left side of the 
armchair, speaks on the cue, ''Put the car away.'') Ten rooms 
and four baths. 

Martha (Amazed.) Four baths? Land o'goshen! We've 
got only one and we're mighty proud of that. Remember the 
way we used to take baths in the old days, Edithe — when you 
and Jim were little tots and your father was alive? 

Edithe (Nods quickly. She has been looking from one to 
the other fearfully, as if at any moment one of them ivould 
say something they shouldn't. She talks as if glad of any 
ordinary subject.) Oh, yes. In the kitchen. (To Enid, Royal 
and Franklin — looking quickly from one to the other.) You 
see, it was a regular Sunday morning ceremony. Everybody 
wanted to be clean and shining for church. That is, every- 
body except Jim. (Giggles.) 

Jim. Aw, you're tellin' it wrong. (Looks uncomfortable. 
Enid and Martha laugh. Franklin chuckles. Royal tries 
her best to look interested.) 



ACT III THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 69 

Martha (To EnidJ Right after breakfast Harry would 
bring in the washtub and put it on the kitchen floor . . . 

Edithe. He'd fill the washtub from the reservoir on the 
kitchen range. Then he'd go out to put water in our Model T, 
and Jim and I would read the Sears and Roebuck catalog 
while Mother took her bath. 

Martha (Laughs,) Then Harry'd wash his hands in the 
basin on the back porch and fill the tub up again. 

Edithe (Talking rapidly,) And Mother would go into her 
room to read a chapter of the Bible to get in the right mood, 
and we'd hear Father splashing around. Pretty soon he'd 
come in with his suspenders hanging down and call "Jim!" 

Martha. And Jim'd almost fall off the chair! (Laughs, 
Enid smiles, Jim looks uncomfortable. Royal's smile looks 
pained, Edithe's laugh is almost too loud, Franklin looks 
impatient, N. B, The bunch lights behind the windows start 
to dim out,) 

Jim (To EditheJ That isn't half so funny as the time you 
tried to wean the calf. (Grins.) 

Edithe. Jim! 

Enid. Tell us about it, Jim. f'RoYAL leans back, looking 
slightly bored. Franklin looks at his watch,) 

Jim (Bashful again,) Aw, Ma'll do it. 

Enid. Come on, Martha. (She is standing on the right side 
of the armchair,) 

Martha. Well, the ordinary way to feed a calf when it's 
being weaned is to try to make it drink milk out of a bucket. 
You put the bucket on the ground and push the calf's head 
in and try to hold it there till he had to gasp for breath. 
Edithe thought she could do it better'n faster than Jim, so 
he let her try it one day. (Smiles at Edithe.^) 

Edithe (To the others,) It was a Sunday and we had just 
come home from church. (The stage lights dim down a bit.) 

Martha. I told her to change her dress, but she was stub- 
born and . . . 

Jim (Leans forward, finishing the description with a rush 
words.) The calf jerked up his head an' sprayed her all over 
with milk like a paint sprayer! Ma and I thought we'd die! 
(Laughs heartily and slaps his thigh. Martha also laughs. 



70 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT III 

Edithe tries to, hut it is a short, nervous giggle. Royal 
smiles mirthlessly, Enid laughs and Franklin grins,) 

Enid. I'll bet that taught you a lesson, Edithe. Oh, by the 
way, Franklin . . . (Moves toward the Left couch, going back 
of the armchair,) . . . Mr. Bascomb said you were going to 
drop by his house this afternoon. 

Franklin. By George! That's right. I forgot. And here it 
is almost night. (To Martha.^ You'll excuse me, won't you, 
Martha? I'll have to go . . . 

Martha. Run right along, Franklin. Don't let us interfere 
with your social activities. 

Franklin. Oh, this is business. It's directly connected 
with your . . . 

Edithe (Interrupting quickly,) That's all right, Uncle 
Franklin. We understand. 

Franklin (Hurries toward the hall arch, Jasper comes 
down the stairs,) Jasper. Get my hat for me, will you? 
Susie put it away. 

Jasper. Yes, sah. (Exits up Left, in front of the stairs. 
During this and the following lines Enid goes about the stage 
turning on the electrical fixtures. As she does this, the stage 
lights come up again,) 

Royal (Rises, Speaking to Franklin on the cue, ''Yes, 
sah,'') You sent Barry out to put the car away. (Moves to- 
ward the archway, going back of the armchair,) 

Franklin. That's right. Well, I'll have him get it out again 
and drive me. We won't be over half an hour. 

Enid. Well, I hope not. The Mooreheads will be over pretty 
soon. 

Edithe (To Martha and Jim.^ You'll like the Mooreheads. 
They're very democratic. As common as an old shoe. ("Mar- 
tha frowns at Jim and motions for him to rise, which he 
does, with an apologetic grin,) 

Franklin (Moving down Left Center,) I haven't had a 
chance yet to congratulate you, Martha, about the . . . 

Edithe (Quickly,) Oh, that's all right. Uncle Franklin. 
Plenty of time. (He gives her a curious look. Jasper comes 
through the arch from up Left in front of the stairs, carrying 
Franklin's hat,) 



ACT III THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 71 

Jasper (Speaking as he enters,) Youah hat, sah. 

Franklin. Oh, thanks. (Takes the hat.) Well, I'll try to 
hurry. Make yourselves right at home. (^Jasper exits the way 
he came in, Franklin goes to the windows, still talking,) 
After dinner, when the guests have departed, we'll have a nice 
long talk. (Pauses near the windows,) 

Martha. That'll be nice. 

Jim. Yeah. Ma likes to talk. 

Franklin. I'm sure we'll be able to come to an agreement 
that will be satisfactory to all concerned. (Exits through the 
windows up Right, putting on his hat,) 

Martha (Puzzledly,) An agreement, did he say? 

Edithe (Quickly,) Mother! Don't you think we ought to 
go upstairs and clean up before dinner? 

Enid (As Martha starts to speak,) Don't hurry them, 
Edithe. Anyway, I'd like to see that everything is in order 
before they go up. Perhaps I'd better do that now. Royal 
will entertain you, won't you. Royal? (Moves toward Royal, 
who is standing near the archway,) 

Royal. I was going to change my dress. 

Edithe. Then go right ahead, Royal. We don't need enter- 
taining. 

Martha. I should say not. We don't want to be treated 
like company. 

Royal (Shortly,) Thanks. (Exits up the stairs.) 

Edithe. Anything I can do to help you. Aunt Enid? 

Enid (Smiles,) No, dear. I just want to take a final look 
around before showing Martha and Jim to their rooms. (Nods 
at the Left arch,) We have a new album of the Boston Sym- 
phony in the music room. Play some records if you like. 
(To Martha.^) I can't tell you, Martha, how sincerely happy 
our being together again after all these years makes me. 

Martha. Me, too. It's like old times. ("Enid exits up the 
stairs, Martha turns to Jim, thus failing to note the sigh of 
relief Edithe gives as she crosses toward the Left couch.) You 
can sit down again now, Jim. But remember your manners 
after this. Never keep your seat when ladies are standing. 

Jim. I'm sorry, Ma. (Sits on the Right couch,) 



72 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT III 

Martha (To EditheJ You're getting careless with your 
manners, too, aren't you, Edithe? 

Edithe. Huh? 

Martha. And don't say "huh." I mean the way you chat- 
tered from the minute we got off the train until we drove up 
here to the house. I was embarrassed for you. You butted 
in on everything Barry or your uncle tried to say. 

Edithe (Who is becoming increasingly more and more 
nervous,) I didn't dare let you talk too much in front of them 
until I had talked to you first. 

Martha (Surprised.) Why, Edithe? 

Edithe. Because I was afraid you'd spill the beans. 

Martha (PuzzledlyJ Spill the the beans? 

Jim. What're you drivin' at, Sis? 

Edithe (Looks at the arch quickly, then takes a step toward 
the armchair, twisting her fingers together nervously,) Oh, 
Mother, I've done a terrible thing. But how was I to know 
he'd want to do what he did? 

Jim. What in thunder're you talkin' about, Sis? 

Martha. How was you to know who'd do what he did? 

Edithe. Uncle Franklin. You see, I — I told him there was 
oil on our place. 

Martha (Gasps, Jim widens his eyes J Oil? 

Jim. Gee! 

Martha. What kind of oil? 

Edithe. Just — oil. I said it was floating around on top of 
little puddles. (Walks up Left Center, restlessly,) 

Martha. What in heaven's name did you tell him that for? 

Jim. Aw, she was joshin' him. 

Edithe. No, I wasn't. (Moves toward Jim, going back of 
the armchair,) It was a very serious lie. 

Martha (Shocked,) Edithe! 

Edithe. You'd just sent me a letter. I was coming down- 
stairs to show it to them. But half-way down I overheard 
them talking about me, and — oh, Mother, they were awrfully 
unkind. 

Martha. Who was? 

Edithe. Cousin Royal and Uncle Franklin. I knew from 
the first they didn't want me here. Royal made no bones 



ACT III THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 73 

about being ashamed of me. 1 wouldn't have stayed the first 
day if it hadn't been for Aunt Enid and cousin Barry. They've 
been nice, (Swallows and plucks at her dress.) 

Martha. I could believe it of Franklin, but I thought may- 
be Royal was different. 

Jim. You're as good as any of 'em and I'll tell 'em so . . . ! 
(Rises, looking angry.) 

Edithe (Continuing with her explanation.) Anyway, I 
heard them telling Aunt Enid to tell me to leave and it made 
me mad. I knew it was just because we were poor and had 
never had the advantages they'd had. So I went back to my 
room and cried. 

Jim. You poor kid! 

Martha. Go on, Edithe. Why'd you tell them . . . ? 

Edithe. I'm coming to that. Finally they sent one of the 
servants upstairs to call me down. I knew what they were 
going to say. So I put on a smile, ran down the stairs and 
told them about the big discovery. I thought they'd be im- 
pressed and they were. So much so that Uncle Franklin got 
all excited and friendly and insisted that I send for you folks 
so he could talk to you about buying the place himself. 

Martha (Gasps.) What! 

Jim (Amazed.) He wants to buy the farm? 

Edithe YA^oc?5.j He'll give us twenty thousand dollars for it. 

Jim. Jimminy gosh! 

Martha. And you let us come here on false pretenses? 
Why, Edithe! I'm ashamed of you. 

Edithe (Desperately.) What could I say? I didn't dare 
tell him the truth — that I was only trying to make him and 
that snooty daughter of his think we might become rich any 
minute, so they'd treat me more like a human being instead 
of a — a worm or something. Anyway, they've got it coming 
to them. Look what he did to you by taking advantage of 
your innocence and making you sign over half of all this lake 
property to Aunt Enid. 

Martha. Bygones are bygones, Edithe, and . . . 

Edithe (Interrupting.) It would serve him right if we kept 
up the pretense and took his twenty thousand dollars. 

Jim. Your darn tootin' it would. 



74 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT III 

Martha. Edithe! Jim! Don't ever let me hear you say 
things like that again. 

Jim. But look the way they've ignored us, Ma. 

Edithe. You wouldn't be here now if he didn't think that 
by being nice all of a sudden he'd be able to get his hands on 
some more rich land. 

Martha. Just the same, two wrongs don't make a right. 
You have to tell them the truth. 

Edithe. But, Mother . . . ! 

Martha. Right now — before the company comes. Then 
you can pack your things and we'll all go back home together. 
("Edithe sighs, looking beaten. Jim shakes his head, Enid 
comes down the stairs, followed by Royal, who has changed 
her dress and now wears an attractive dinner dress.) 

Enid (Speaking as she enters.) Well, everything's ready 
for you to go upstairs now. 

Martha (Rises, looking grim but determined.) Enid. I 
want to talk to you. ("Edithe goes closer to Jim as if for pro- 
tection. He begins to look antagonistic.) 

Enid. Yes, Martha? (Moves down Left Center. Royal 
follows her into the room and remains standing upstage.) 

Martha. It's about this oil business . . . 

Enid (Smiles.) Oh, yes. I haven't congratulated you yet, 
have I? I'm terribly happy for you. 

Martha. Well, you needn't be, because there isn't any. 

Enid (Puzzledly.) Eh? 

Martha. No oil, except for what we have in the lamps in 
case the electric power goes off during a storm. 

Enid. I — I don't think I understand. I . . . 

Martha. Tell her, Edithe. 

Edithe. I — I can't. (Sobs and goes up Right, burying her 
face in her hands.) 

Enid (Surprised.) Why, Edithe! What . . . ? 

Martha. She lied to you, Enid. There's no oil on our 
place. 

Royal (Startled. Takes a quick step downstage beside 
Enid.; What? 

Martha. She only pretended there was because she'd over- 



ACT III THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 75 

heard Franklin and Royal here telling you to get rid of her 
and send her back home. 

Enid (Lowly,) Oh! (Lowers her eyes,) 

Martha. That made her mad. It would me, too. But it's 
pathetic the way she thought you'd li! e her better if you was 
to believe we had a chance to make a lot of money. 

Royal. Oh, that wasn't her reason. 

Enid (AdmonishinglyJ Royal! 

Royal. She knew you thought she was Jrrnorant and inno- 
cent and wouldn't be suspicious when she tried to put some- 
thing over on you. 

Edithe (Whirls to face Royal, standing up Right.) I was 
only . . . 

Royal (Interrupting. Angrily,) Trying to hoodwink my 
father in the most brazen piece of swindling I've ever 
heard of! 

Enid (Sharply,) Royal! Think what you're saying! 

Jim. Yeah. You have no right to talk to her like that. (At 
that moment, Franklin and Barry come through the win- 
dows from up Right,) 

Franklin (Speaking as he enters, cheerfully — taking off his 
hat,) Well, we missed him. But it doesn't matter. I can see 
him tomorrow. 

Barry. They had a dinner date somewhere and couldn't 
wait. 

Royal (Quickly,) Father! What do you think we've found 
out? 

Martha (Quietly,) We'll tell him, Royal. ("Franklin and 
Barry look from one to the other, sensing the seriousness of 
the situation. They have paused upstage, a few steps inside 
the windows,) 

Barry. What's the matter? Something happened? 

Royal. Wait until you hear about it. (To FranklinJ 
Edithe deliberately lied to us about that oil business . . . 

Franklin (Startled,) Huh! (Hurries closer to Royal.^) 

Barry (Puzzledly,) Lied? 

Enid. Royal! Wait! 

Royal (To Franklin. Paying no attention to Enid.^ Mrs. 



76 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT III 

Elliot just now told us that there isn't a sign of oil on that 
property ! 

Franklin (Practically shouts.) What? (Looks at Martha.^) 

Martha (Nods, Determined to face the music) That's 
right, Franklin. 

Barry. Gee whiz! 

Franklin (To MarthaJ But you said — in your letter to 
her . . . 

Royal (Quickly. Indignantly.) Edithe just made that part 
of it up. 

Barry. Why? 

Royal (Before any of the others can speak.) To try to 
make you invest money in a crooked deal, of course. 

Jim. That isn't true! 

Martha. You see, Franklin . . . 

Royal (Interrupting. To Franklin. Speaking rapidly.) 
It is true. If that wasn't her motive why didn't she tell us the 
truth after she saw you wanted to buy the property? 

Edithe (Taking a few, quick steps down to the right of the 
armchair.) I wanted to. I was on the verge of it a dozen 
times, but I always got cold feet at the last minute. I was 
afraid of what you'd think of me. I was frantic. Couldn't 
even sleep for worrying about . . . 

Franklin (Interrupting. Sharply.) Just a minute! I . . . 

Edithe. Wait. Let me finish. When I first told you about 
the oil I didn't have any idea it would go as far as it did. 
I'd never even have thought of saying it in the first place if 
I hadn't heard you saying you wanted to get rid of me. Royal 
said she wouldn't even stay in the house unless . . . 

Royal (Angrily.) And why did I say it? Because you'd 
fallen in love with the man I wanted to marry and . . . 

Edithe (Cutting in. Quickly.) I wasn't falling in love 
with him. I have a boy friend back home. (This is a big sur- 
prise for the Endicotts.^ 

Royal (Gasps.) What? 

Jim (Nods.) Name of Montgomery. 

Martha. She's going to marry him next fall. (^Royal 
widens her eyes, scarcely believing her good fortune.) 



ACT III THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 77 

Franklin. If he'll have her after he finds out about the 
way she's acted here ! 

Jim. Oh, he'll never know about . . . 

Franklin (Getting madder and madder as he realizes 
what a fool he made of himself over the oil business.) Oh, 
yes, he will — if he reads the papers, because I'm going to 
blacken the girl's name all over the country! 

Enid. Franklin! 

Franklin (Almost trenibling with rage.) I ought to have 
her arrested! And I would if she weren't a relative of yours. 
(To Edithe.j Get out of my house! 

Martha. Oh, we're going. I made up my mind to that the 
minute she told me what she'd done. I'm not going to make 
excuses for her either, except to say that now, after the way 
you're actin' — I don't blame her. Get our grips, Jim. (^JlM 
makes a move to obey, but pauses as Edithe quickly puts out 
her hand.) 

Edithe. Wait, Jim. I've got something more to say. (To 
Franklin. y^ I was sorry, and if you had given me a chance I 
was going to apologize. But I'm not sorry now. I'm glad I 
made a fool of you. 

Martha (With a slight gasp. The others look surprised.) 
Edithe! 

Edithe (To Franklin, getting more and more emotionally 
excited.) Who are you to criticize? That's what I'd like to 
know. Are your skirts so clean that you can afford to blacken 
a person's reputation on account of a few harmless lies? Go 
on, put it in the paper. I wish you would. That would give 
me a chance to tell them a story that would turn every friend 
you have against you. They'd like to know how you tricked 
my mother into signing away half the property that made you 
rich, wouldn't they? 

Jim (Grins.) Yeah. They'd eat it up! (^Royal looks wor- 
ried. Barry looks amazed. Franklin looks startled.) 

Martha (Nervously.) Stop it, Edithe! Royal and Barry 
don't know about . . . 

Edithe. Then it's time they learned. (To Royal.^) Maybe 
you won't think you're so far above us when you know that 
half of everything you've got rightfully belongs to us! 



78 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT III 

Jim. Yeah, like half the farm rightfully belongs to you 
folks. (^RoYAL and Barry look utterly astonished,) 

Franklin (Shouting. Almost beside himself with rage J 
That isn't true. The deal was all perfectly legal . . . 

Edithe. In one way perhaps, but in other ways it wasn't. 
You knew the farm was no good when you talked Mother into 
accepting it as her share of her grandmother's inheritance. 
And you knew the lake property was worth a fortune. That's 
why you've never had anything to do with us. It wasn't be- 
cause you thought we were beneath you. It was because you 
knew your conscience would bother you if we were around 
much. 

Franklin (Spluttering,) You're crazy. You . . . 

Royal (To Edithe.^) How did you know all this? 

Edithe. Aunt Enid told Mother — in a letter — when your 
money started pouring in. She didn't w^ant Mother to think 
she was responsible for . . . 

Martha (Sharply,) Edithe! I want you to stop — right 
this minute, and get your things packed. We're going home. 

Enid. Not until we've had some sort of a settlement, Mar- 
tha. (The others are surprised at the firmness in her voice.) 

Franklin (Sharply.) Keep out of this, Enid. I'll handle 
things. 

Enid (Breathing rather heavily,) Oh, no, Franklin. That's 
just the trouble. You've handled things too long. Now Fm 
going to have something to say. 

Franklin (Sternly.) Enid . . . ! 

Enid. Oh, don't glare at me, Franklin. It won't do you any 
good. I'm. going to assert my rights for a change. (^RoYAL 
gives her a quick look. These ivere her own words. Enid 
turns to Edithe, speaking rapidly — breathlessly.) You're 
right, Edithe. Your mother is entitled to half of everything 
we own. 

Franklin (Shouting.) Shut up! I . . . 

Enid (Ignores him. Continues talking,) I've wanted her to 
have a share for years, but I've been too meek and mouse- 
like. I've allowed my husband to walk all over me. I've been 
afraid to open my mouth. I've been too irritatingly passive 
and self-sacrificing all the time. 



ACT III THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI 79 

Royal (Gasps,) Mother! 

Barry (To nobody in particular. Looking at Enid J Gee! 
What's got into her all of a sudden? 

Enid (Continues. Afraid to stop for fear she'll revert to 
type before she has accomplished whales in her mind.) Of 
course, I can't turn half of everything over to you, Martha. 
But I can give you half my share. 

Franklin (Loudly.) Not ^vithout my consent! 

Enid. Why not? It's all community wealth, isn't it? (To 
the staring MarthaJ And in return I'll take a share of the 
farm. 

Martha. Oh, no, Enid! I couldn't let you ... 

Enid. I insist. Then I'll be able to rest easy again at night. 

Franklin (Shaking his finger in Enid's face.) You're 
crazy! You can't do it. I won't let you. I'll refuse to sign . . . 

Enid. If you do, Franklin, I'll go back to the farm with 
my sister and her family. (This is another surprise for the 
others.) 

Franklin (Loudly.) What? 

Royal. Mother! 

Barry (Grins and takes a quick step downstage, going 
closer to Franklin, but speaking to Enid J And I'll go with 
you. Moms. ("Franklin and the others whirl to face Barry. >) 

Franklin (Turns back to Enid-^) You mean, you — you'd 
leave me? 

Enid (Nods.) Unless you're willing to play fair and allow 
me to give my sister what's rightfully hers. (He froivns, ivell 
knoiving he^s beaten.) 

Barry. Come on, Dad, be a sport. 

Royal (Looking slightly dazed.) I never realized it was 
like this! I — I'm sorry, Edithe. (It has taken a lot of cour- 
age for her to say this.) 

Edithe. And so am I — for causing you all so much trouble. 

Jim (To Enid. Admiringly.) Gee, Aunt Enid, you're — 
swell ! 

Enid. Well, Franklin . . . ? (He gives her a look. Her ex- 
pression is determinedly grim. At that minute, Nancy, Hazel 
and King come past the windows up Right. They are all 
appropriately dressed for the occasion and go at once to the 



80 THE GIRL FROM MISSOURI ACT III 

hall door. Enid sees them as they appear and turns back to 
Franklin, speaking as soon as she sees the guests,) Better 
hurry and make your decision. There's our guests. (He looks 
quickly at the ivindows. So do the others. The doorbell rings. 
During the jolloiving lines, Jasper enters behind the arch, 
from up Left, in front of the stairs, and goes to answer the 
door.) 

Royal. She means it, Father. 

Barry. Hurry, Dad. 

Franklin. It's — it's highway robbery. (It is exceedingly 
difficult for him to give in.) 

Enid. No, it isn't, Franklin. It's — justice. We can all be 
happy together if only you'll do what's right. (^SusiE appears 
in the hallway, coming from up Left, below the stairs. She 
ivaits at the back to receive the guesfs hats and coats. Enid 
continues.) Please, dear. We don't want to split up our fam- 
ily after all these years, do we? You couldn't get along with- 
out Barry and me. And we'd miss you and Royal just ter- 
ribly. Oh, Franklin, m^ake me proud of you. Please. ("Jas- 
per opens the door and steps back into the hall as Nancy 
appears behind the archivay.) 

Jasper (Speaking to Nancy as he opens the door.) Come 
in. Missus Moorehead. Come in. 

Franklin (To Enid. Smiles as he suddenly gives in.) 
Okay. Enid. Its a deal. (Everybody looks relieved and ex- 
changes happy glances.) 

Enid (Joyously.) Wonderful! Perfect! Now everybody 
relax and have a lovely evening. (Hurries to the archway, 
calling gayly os Hazel and King appear beside Nancy.>) 
Hello, Nancy? Hello, Hazel? Hello, King! Come in and 
meet my relatives. (Takes Nancy's arm and starts to lead her 
into the room, with Hazel and King following. Franklin 
quickly assumes a ivelcoming grin. Royal smiles and the 
others try their best to look interested as the curtain falls 
quickly.) 

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